Monday, March 24, 2008

Holi Hai..err thi!!

"Pehchaan kaun!!"

I don't know what this post is gonna be about, I even don't know what words I am gonna throw up in the very next sentence. It might happen that these lines may never get posted but I have this congenital attitude which can be best described in 3 1/2 words-

"Hata saawan ki ghata"

( 3 1/2 words me aur bhi kaafi saari feelings express ki jaa sakti hai. SyMonks err Symonds ko pata hai)..Bhai bade din ho gaye keyboard par ungliyo ko dance karaaye. So here goes my new (financial) year resolution, Every Sunday this space is gonna be updated with anything that crosses my mind. Oops "Anything 'crossed' with my Mind"= 'Taare zameen par protagonist'.

All those people who understood the pun in the previous sentence and smiled, thank you very much!! You do belong to the 'taare zameen par' category, coz even I don't have any damn clue what that equation is supposed to mean. hehe. Never mind Yeah you’ve guessed it right. I was high on Bhaang this holi and the 'Bhang-over' hasn't died down yet.

(Pause for a bit of self appreciation: Hmmm good word that "Bhangover")

Holi was fun. The fact that there's no KNS (Karnataka navnirman sena/sadists) here in Bangalore, we celebrated holi peacefully (?). Reluctant friends were dragged/pulled out of their beds/toilets/cupboards/commodes and were tied and generously dyed pitch black. Add a coating of export quality mud. Some of them decided to voice their reluctance when they were face massaged; alas those guys were rightfully rendered with their teeth bearing the same color as their gums. Lot of fingering made this possible.(:O)

We all looked like distant cousins of Vinod kambli after a kabaddi match.

As we were roaming the streets, a sissy riding pillion on a random bike, all decked up, not a speck of color on his face, whizzed past us and as he did, he squeaked "Holi hai!!” I shouted out mocking disbelief "Holi??? aisaa kyaa? ohh shitt!!! aaj to holi hai! pata hi nahee chala" then a barrage of refined hand-picked expletives thickened the air. On the day of holi, moving about as if it’s the diwali day is an outright sin. Holi is the festival when the 'colored' people are the celebrated ones. Are u listening uncle sam!.

And time for some Holi snippets that make it what it is:-

  • "Rang barse / holi khele raghubeera.." playing for the 78th time,
  • Having a large helping of Gulaal as your breakfast,
  • Buckets of water splashed around with the miserly owner just emptying a single sachet of color into it,
  • The thrill of kiddos to color those grumpy uncles who acted as pure bitches (read your boss) the whole year by not returning the cricket balls that were hit into their lawns/balconies/porches,
  • Bald uncles cackling loudly , high on bhang/daaru,
  • Irritating little morons hurling water balloons right at your face and scurrying off clutching their cheap water pistols,
  • Newbie and hence excited junior newsreaders made to read the news on 24X7 news channels while the senior news readers/journalists have a blast at their respective homes/holi parties,

The grand bath where the operation discoloration takes place, with ideas ranging from-

  1. Spending the afternoon inside the washing machine holding a 2 Kg surf excel ka packet ,
  2. To allow your house maid/kaamwaali to clean you up coz she is universally renowned for discoloring the fabrics she washes. Bhai tagda record hai uska. Hai ki nahee.
  3. Chupchaap Saabun lagaao aur kya!! Aur Kitne tareeke chahiye bey.

Phewhh!! ab aapki baari Howaz your holi, and what's your new financial year's resolution! Bataao India/overseas bataao!

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Ye hai meri kahani!

Helloooz!! This morning when I was waiting for the company bus at the bus stop, I saw a kid in his school uniform, holding on to an NCERT history textbook mugging up some historical dates (one smartass reader : "Ab geographical dates kya hoti hai be?") scribbled on the back of his book. Exam season hai bhai! i thought. When i looked closely I could read one of the side headings as "When was the last time Garmabhejafry posted something on his blog?". I swallowed a lump in my throat. And when i read the answer I swallowed not just a lump, but a lamp-post. The date was 11th march. *Ahem Ahem* The kiddo was no ishaan awasthi aur hum bhi koi aamir khan nahee.. So we two mutually and silently agreed to leave each other at their own fate.
While the kid was busy with history I was more interested in the surrounding geography. There were some giggly HR girls huddled up nearby, wearing lipstick with enough wax to suffice for waxing off two Jacky shroffs and three anil kapoors. They were probably discussing strategies to make the life of us techies more miserable. (Any HR girls reading this blog by any chance, do add me on gtalk *hew hew* we can settle our issues there *ahem* in private)

And there were a few uptight men, wearing collared t shirts neatly tucked into their starched blue jeans, sucking their paunches in as an evasive action to even a whiff of femininity around. Needless to say they were fellow techies, wearing assorted ID's around their necks belonging to respective dollar hIT companies. Each one of them nourishes a dream inside, of that fateful day when they get a chance to leave shores or may be flaunt their scores (CAT waale). Brownish newspapers rolled under their armpits, cheap and thus heavy laptops taking a toll on their shoulders, manager's (f)ire in their belly and the traffic which moves slower than a parking lot, to boot. Add the daemons of variable pay haunting them each month-end, which they feel is anyday better than the slim pay slip growing to the 'pink' of its health. No wonder more than 2/3rds of the resignation letters are drafted on the back of payslips. And such is the irony that the word they fear the most is: - 'release', an oxymoron in itself. (‘Code release’ for the uninitiated, ab is information ne tere andar kya kya initiate kiya wo apun ko nahee pata.)

Finally the bus did arrive, only to get coagulated in the viscous sea of vehicles a few paces ahead. (Reader: Oye, Raat ko Rapidex ke upar sir rakh ke sota hai kya aajkal ). Nahee bhaailogz and behenjeez, English ke paapi bichhuye ne humey humaari client ki meherbaani se kaata hai, aur hum bhi kaam ke maare ho gaye hai. Garambhejafry sadly needs a 2-3 weeks stint inside a Microwave oven. And like everybody else, i am preparing for CAT.
Recently one of my friends asked me "So howz the prep coming along??". I shrugged it off with a statement which went like.
"My Astrologer is taking care of my Verbal Ability section while i prepare for the other two"
Agli baar 'types of lovers' pesh karunga GBF dissection ka label lagaa ke. Maal tayyar hai, serve karne ko 'time' ke bartan nahee hai. :) Aur haan ek achee khabar. ek aur article publish ho gaya humaara. Paisa bhi mila, which i'll share with only those HR girls who'll share there Gtalk ids with me. Human resourcing your see. :)
Humraa Article JAM magazine waalo ki duaa se