Monday, March 24, 2008

Holi Hai..err thi!!

"Pehchaan kaun!!"

I don't know what this post is gonna be about, I even don't know what words I am gonna throw up in the very next sentence. It might happen that these lines may never get posted but I have this congenital attitude which can be best described in 3 1/2 words-

"Hata saawan ki ghata"

( 3 1/2 words me aur bhi kaafi saari feelings express ki jaa sakti hai. SyMonks err Symonds ko pata hai)..Bhai bade din ho gaye keyboard par ungliyo ko dance karaaye. So here goes my new (financial) year resolution, Every Sunday this space is gonna be updated with anything that crosses my mind. Oops "Anything 'crossed' with my Mind"= 'Taare zameen par protagonist'.

All those people who understood the pun in the previous sentence and smiled, thank you very much!! You do belong to the 'taare zameen par' category, coz even I don't have any damn clue what that equation is supposed to mean. hehe. Never mind Yeah you’ve guessed it right. I was high on Bhaang this holi and the 'Bhang-over' hasn't died down yet.

(Pause for a bit of self appreciation: Hmmm good word that "Bhangover")

Holi was fun. The fact that there's no KNS (Karnataka navnirman sena/sadists) here in Bangalore, we celebrated holi peacefully (?). Reluctant friends were dragged/pulled out of their beds/toilets/cupboards/commodes and were tied and generously dyed pitch black. Add a coating of export quality mud. Some of them decided to voice their reluctance when they were face massaged; alas those guys were rightfully rendered with their teeth bearing the same color as their gums. Lot of fingering made this possible.(:O)

We all looked like distant cousins of Vinod kambli after a kabaddi match.

As we were roaming the streets, a sissy riding pillion on a random bike, all decked up, not a speck of color on his face, whizzed past us and as he did, he squeaked "Holi hai!!” I shouted out mocking disbelief "Holi??? aisaa kyaa? ohh shitt!!! aaj to holi hai! pata hi nahee chala" then a barrage of refined hand-picked expletives thickened the air. On the day of holi, moving about as if it’s the diwali day is an outright sin. Holi is the festival when the 'colored' people are the celebrated ones. Are u listening uncle sam!.

And time for some Holi snippets that make it what it is:-

  • "Rang barse / holi khele raghubeera.." playing for the 78th time,
  • Having a large helping of Gulaal as your breakfast,
  • Buckets of water splashed around with the miserly owner just emptying a single sachet of color into it,
  • The thrill of kiddos to color those grumpy uncles who acted as pure bitches (read your boss) the whole year by not returning the cricket balls that were hit into their lawns/balconies/porches,
  • Bald uncles cackling loudly , high on bhang/daaru,
  • Irritating little morons hurling water balloons right at your face and scurrying off clutching their cheap water pistols,
  • Newbie and hence excited junior newsreaders made to read the news on 24X7 news channels while the senior news readers/journalists have a blast at their respective homes/holi parties,

The grand bath where the operation discoloration takes place, with ideas ranging from-

  1. Spending the afternoon inside the washing machine holding a 2 Kg surf excel ka packet ,
  2. To allow your house maid/kaamwaali to clean you up coz she is universally renowned for discoloring the fabrics she washes. Bhai tagda record hai uska. Hai ki nahee.
  3. Chupchaap Saabun lagaao aur kya!! Aur Kitne tareeke chahiye bey.

Phewhh!! ab aapki baari Howaz your holi, and what's your new financial year's resolution! Bataao India/overseas bataao!

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15 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Kaushik Choudhary said...

Teri Kaam-waali Bai ne achhi safaai nahi ki hai teri...tere haat abhee bhee rangeen hain!
Poore paise mat dena! ;)

6:09 PM  
Blogger The Indian Frog said...

B'lore mein BAI mil jaati hogi, Gujarat mein to BEN milti hain aur Mumbai mein BHAIIII.. ;P
Bhang-Over was down the drain here what we thot as opium turned out to be nariyal paani..4 glass full ke baad bhi only ILLUSIONARY fits were coming..none of them real ones..We tried sneaking close to the Venus residents but beaten miserably.. ALAS !!!
Chataaaaakkkkkk?(slap-up, down, right, left)...

7:11 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

seems like u had a sexy holi...mast hai yaar!;)

7:28 PM  
Blogger Vandita said...

i will say ouch!!!, holi has that effect on me...
but im happy that u had loads of fun!:)

1:30 AM  
Blogger COALESCED said...

Beta expiry date wala bhang khaoge tou yahi hoga!!
Abhi tak asar nahi gaya hai!!:P

11:11 AM  
Blogger Nishant Saini said...

Hi Abhi, how r u dear... nice posts... but yaar tumhara woh kirket wala article kahaan hai jo publish hua hai? maine nahi padha hai... give me a link...

and howz going life? koi appraisal wagaira huye ki nahi? new (fiscal) year ki shubh kamnayein...

3:10 PM  
Blogger Solitaire said...

HAHAH! this is funny!

BLACK?????? Are you serious?

What color are you today? Even the pink refused to go for weeks after Holi!

6:59 PM  
Blogger Anilz said...

Holi tho acchi thi yaar. Gone are those days when we used to greet the ppl only aftr dipping them in our 'gali ka gutter'. N the eggs used to find place on sme private parts of the body ;). Neways, we'll have an eye on ur fiscal yr resolution ;). Ek vinathi hai mohadey aapse, Kripiya aap apne shub chintako ke vicharon ka aadar karthe hue 'acknowledge' karna na bhule. Woh kya hai na, Reply dekh ke accha lagta hai. Keep coming dude ...

11:58 AM  
Blogger Sam said...

well nothing much!! thoda rang, thoda bhang thoda kuch aur!! :D
waise naye financial year mein soch raha hu kuch savings aakhir kar hi lu.. warna problem ho jaayegi!!

3:55 PM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

# kaushik

Kaam waali baai ne ghar ki bhi safaai kar di isliye usko maine bai bai kar diya!!

# desi medhak!

bahut sahee!! bahut sahee!! saaale dadar me kitni auntiyo ki izzat ke saath tune ludo khela?? bata!!!

# Gunj

mazey aa gaye! din me rang raat ko bhang!

3:58 PM  
Blogger Koi Bhi Purana 21inch ka TV said...

aur....ab tak vinod kambli ka risteydaar bann kar banglore ki sadkon ki kaak chhan ra zameen pe wapas aaya???
sahi maal nikaale ho beta.....jua post hai.....

4:39 PM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

# V for vandita

haan yaar masti to khooob aayi! One of the very best holis i had ever! :)

# coalesced

lagta hai rang i mean bhang lagaane ka wakt aa gaya hai!

# Nishant

hi dear i'll mail u sometime!

# Solitaire

Ba Ba black *beep*!!

"BLACK?????? Are you serious?"

i take serious racial offence ! :P for that statement of yours.!

# anilz

Ab kaa bataaye miya ee wipro ki mazdoori karte karte budhaa jaayenge lagta hai! aap bataao..hyderabadi biriyani ke kya haal hai!

5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gudd hai re! Dhinchaak type ki holi manayi rozgaar majdooron ne! :D

We ppl celebrated holi in collez some 2-3 dayz before holi and the most surprising thing was blue line ke kameene yaatri who otherwise die to chipkofy were standing two feet away..muahahah! :D

Chal rest later..u takecare!


9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omigosh! I call it the Indian version of 300 - The Movie.Lol...
- Stranger

12:08 AM  
Blogger Knatchbulley Hughzscene said...

** The grand bath where the operation discoloration** rofl.. :)

11:15 AM  

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