Holi Hai..err thi!!

"Pehchaan kaun!!"

I don't know what this post is gonna be about, I even don't know what words I am gonna throw up in the very next sentence. It might happen that these lines may never get posted but I have this congenital attitude which can be best described in 3 1/2 words-

"Hata saawan ki ghata"

( 3 1/2 words me aur bhi kaafi saari feelings express ki jaa sakti hai. SyMonks err Symonds ko pata hai)..Bhai bade din ho gaye keyboard par ungliyo ko dance karaaye. So here goes my new (financial) year resolution, Every Sunday this space is gonna be updated with anything that crosses my mind. Oops "Anything 'crossed' with my Mind"= 'Taare zameen par protagonist'.

All those people who understood the pun in the previous sentence and smiled, thank you very much!! You do belong to the 'taare zameen par' category, coz even I don't have any damn clue what that equation is supposed to mean. hehe. Never mind Yeah you’ve guessed it right. I was high on Bhaang this holi and the 'Bhang-over' hasn't died down yet.

(Pause for a bit of self appreciation: Hmmm good word that "Bhangover")

Holi was fun. The fact that there's no KNS (Karnataka navnirman sena/sadists) here in Bangalore, we celebrated holi peacefully (?). Reluctant friends were dragged/pulled out of their beds/toilets/cupboards/commodes and were tied and generously dyed pitch black. Add a coating of export quality mud. Some of them decided to voice their reluctance when they were face massaged; alas those guys were rightfully rendered with their teeth bearing the same color as their gums. Lot of fingering made this possible.(:O)

We all looked like distant cousins of Vinod kambli after a kabaddi match.

As we were roaming the streets, a sissy riding pillion on a random bike, all decked up, not a speck of color on his face, whizzed past us and as he did, he squeaked "Holi hai!!” I shouted out mocking disbelief "Holi??? aisaa kyaa? ohh shitt!!! aaj to holi hai! pata hi nahee chala" then a barrage of refined hand-picked expletives thickened the air. On the day of holi, moving about as if it’s the diwali day is an outright sin. Holi is the festival when the 'colored' people are the celebrated ones. Are u listening uncle sam!.

And time for some Holi snippets that make it what it is:-

• "Rang barse / holi khele raghubeera.." playing for the 78th time,
  
• Having a large helping of Gulaal as your breakfast,
• Buckets of water splashed around with the miserly owner just emptying a single sachet of color into it,
• The thrill of kiddos to color those grumpy uncles who acted as pure bitches (read your boss) the whole year by not returning the cricket balls that were hit into their lawns/balconies/porches,
• Bald uncles cackling loudly , high on bhang/daaru,
• Irritating little morons hurling water balloons right at your face and scurrying off clutching their cheap water pistols,
• Newbie and hence excited junior newsreaders made to read the news on 24X7 news channels while the senior news readers/journalists have a blast at their respective homes/holi parties,

The grand bath where the operation discoloration takes place, with ideas ranging from-

1. Spending the afternoon inside the washing machine holding a 2 Kg surf excel ka packet ,
2. To allow your house maid/kaamwaali to clean you up coz she is universally renowned for discoloring the fabrics she washes. Bhai tagda record hai uska. Hai ki nahee.
3. Chupchaap Saabun lagaao aur kya!! Aur Kitne tareeke chahiye bey.

Phewhh!! ab aapki baari Howaz your holi, and what's your new financial year's resolution! Bataao India/overseas bataao!