Sunday, June 24, 2007

bang bang!!

Iss sentence ko likhne ke dauraan iss keyboard ke ek bahaadur sipaahi – backspace key par bahut atyaachaar huaa hai. All-india-backspace-key-bachaao-samiti ne raajyapaal ko ek gyaapan diya hai. Aur hadtaal ki dhamki bhi saath me speedpost ki hai.
Phewhh!! Enuf of bakwaas, its my 4th day in the garden cITy of India and the weather has been as sexy as Katrina kaif, priyanka chopra and Bipasha “tripling” on a TVS champ (moped) and the laffu chhokras either side of the street throwing buckets of water on the giggly chicks as they glide by singing “why should boys have all the fun” (hehe boys are still having fun!!).
It all started when I boarded the Bangalore bound Rajdhani exp from Bhopal at such a time when even engineering students go to sleep (alone ..mind you!!). One of my “dilli ka dost” had booked my tkts from delhi and I needed to board the train from Bhopal (Sat sri tatkaal!). When the train arrived and I was about to embark upon the tirain a TT sahib popped up like a matrimonial ad of He asked me to show him the ticket. (Shakal to allaah ki den hai ab mai chor-uchakka dikhta hu to it izz naat my faalt). I fished out the ticket from a andheri pocket and showed it to him. The TT gave me a left-eyebrow-raised “iss baar to bach gaye bacchuu” look. I gladly climbed the steps making a mental note that jab boodhaa ho jaaunga to ek film banaaunga iske saath picture ka naam “Khuddaar TT” - agar tumhe train par WT chadhna hai to tumhe meri laash ke upar pair rakh ke jaana hoga ”.
When I did reach the compartment somehow, I found my friend happily wrapped up in a railway blanket ready to be exported. Mine was the middle berth (3 tier ki ruswaaiyaan!!). The eunuchs never ask for money from the people lying on the middle berth, kyuki unko bhi pata hai ki “ye to beech kaa hai”. I stretched my legs lying on the “beech kaa berth”. It was 5 in the morning.
After about two hours my friend woke up and after poking me in my ribs nearly 27 times he woke me up as well. When I looked at him groggily He asks me with a innocent smile on his face “ tu kab aaya yaar!!”. He’s a sardar FYI. I thought of yelling a “teri **** ki.. jagaaya kyu??“. but it wasn’t my colg hostel so I managed with a “ yaar mai to tere suitcase me tha….tune dekha nahee &^%$@ “ (bachpan me padhaa tha ki jab bhi daaku dhamaaka singh ko chacha chaudhary ullu banaata tha wo aise hi gaaliya bakta tha “$#%^@” wohi dekh ke seekh gaya main).
One other uncleji was waiting anxiously for me to descend so that he could lower the berth and run thru the Economic times editorials. (yaar aisee hi junta aati hai..Where are those good old Manohar kahaaniyaa readers). Sharam ke maare I descended.
On the opposite berth there was a newly wed couple which had no qualms in coochie-cooing in public. ( and you guessed it right I had no qualms as well muhaha!!). Saale saahab bhi saath me the the official kabaab me haddi-washing machine me chaddi was a 2nd year engineering student. And no prizes in guessing that his sister was “the ideal aunty” :D . They were residents of Bangalore and they were trying to flaunt this fact. When I asked her husband when do we get the “fokut ki bed tea”.
He said “ abhi tak to aa jaani chahiye normally to aa jaati hai, humaara aana jana to issi train se hota hai u know!!”
“ohh…ok” I sighed.
I expected them to say in chorus “Hum to susu karne bhi raajdhani se jaate hai”.
Saale saab was busy hitting on a giggly sardaarni of the same age as his.
Sample this.
“ Engineering kar rahee ho?? “
“hihihihi *giggle* haan”
“Stream kaun si hai??”
“hihihi!! wo kyaa hota hai?? Hihihihi “
“Close-up use karti ho yaa happydent chabaati ho??”
I slept through most parts of the journey only waking for the fokut ka lunch, dinner, jumpin, pepsi, soup etc. The next morning we reached a chilled out Bangalore. Temperature was below 20 degrees. The munda from dilli my dost, was about to collapse of hypothermia . (dili ki garmi huhaha!!).
Chal baaki ki kahaaniyaa baad me sunaaunga Sify Iway ka quota poora ho gaya. MG road aur brigade road ki jhalkiyo ke saath. I know without pics this post is looking like a ved prakash Sharma ka jaasoosi upanyaas (novel). Kal Monday hai kal se mere kandhe par hal daal diya jaayega, kaano me mother india ke gaane lagaa ke khet jutwaayenge .Lunch me roomaal me roti baandh ke le jaaunga aur kisi tree ke neeche baith ke khoon paseene ki roti khaaunga.buhuhu!! The training starts tomorrow.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Bangalored !?!

21st june 0635
: Touchdown Bangalore!!

Mumma's baby to an earning brat!! hope the transition is smooth!! ( Topaz ke razer jaise)

P.S : I am gonna start a photo-blog soon.

P.p.s : Frustoons got DP'ed. :)

Itchy i'll do the tag soon. Gimme some time and i'll reply to all the comments. :)


Sunday, June 17, 2007

Frustoons updated!!!

(Click on the image to enlarge)

For more such pieces visit the home-page of Frustoo-the engineering student. c ya there. :)


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Garambhejafry aa gaya!!!

Phewhh!! A trip to the land of Sivaji (-the boss) kept me away from my thela and my beloved customers (some of them ran away with the cheap crockery when they visited the deserted bhejafry stall. Ab to 'a khoon ki holi' is on the cards). Last week was hectic to say the least. The script for the week was written on one fine lazy Monday morning when I groggily logged in to gmail. One of my friends who happens to be placed in the same company as I am, was online. The rest of the batch mates suspect his parents set his gmail username and password before they gave him his first name. Imagine a dialogue

"oye chintu_cool beta !! khaana thanda ho raha hai"

"Mummy!! chunni_cute online hai..saal bhar me ek baar online aati hai!!"

My call center ka paseena type dost wasted no time in tapping the keys as he called me on gtalk right away, a minute into our conversation he let out a big "yipppeeeeee" sandwiched between two *Beeps*. I dint need to ask the reason, the mail for which we were waiting for had seduced our inboxes. We were asked to report on 22nd June at the sarjapur office in Bangalore. I have heard enough about the traffic of Bangalore where people use the traffic jams as their parking solution, leave your car there in the morning and find it 10 mts displaced in the evening. (jyaada ho gaya mainu pata hai :P).

But the ordeal had just begun, we had to rush to Chennai to get a formal medical chk up done from a particular hospital specified by Wipro.( Haija, pechis, TB, pet dard, kabjiyat ka test) Tatkal maata ki jai ho. We got our tickets booked for the same day and the thela was bound to be deserted. The train journey to Chennai from Bhopal was like doing a nageena dance half naked lying on the asphalt of Delhi streets. Maa kasam phat gayee. Accompanying me in my compartment were a couple of sleepy Kadar khan look alike uncles and my friend Rahul (oye rahul aa raha hu treat lene bhopal..tere ko pata hai kyu!! :p.). After the train crossed Nagpur at about 2 in the afternoon mast pavan chali and the sun was enveloped by mere future se bhi jyaada dark clouds, the kadar khans woke up rubbing their eyes and regions south of their anatomy. Every body let out heavy sighs of relief which then again caused the temperature inside to rise. (Were they really sighs of relief which led to a temperature-rise in the com'fart'ment??)

Rahul had recently acquired a N70 and so he was hell-bent on some video clips to be taken. Yours truly was the commentator as I described the weather and other finer details of a typical train journey. The video came out to be really phunny and I heard lot of guys enjoyed it. And if kader khans were on board who could stop aruna iranis from boarding the train, and as the train crawled ahead on the red hot rails it gathered enough of the kind from the platforms that dotted the route.

Yaar AC ke tkt nahee mile..kee karta..

Bitchy aruna iranis, sleepy Kadar khan look alikes who snore from two different traps of their anatomy, chunkey pandey chaap students (read “us!!”), Paan-beedi-playing cards waalas who have been taught in their childhood that all train passengers are ch***ya (they try to sell you solitaire cards for the price of a computer), haaye haaye Eunuchs (chakkaas) singing and dancing on "kajra re.." and when they refer to you as 'Salman khan' you have to oblige them with a smiling Gandhi baba, an inevitable verbal clash between the waitlisted passengers and the persons who have their berths confirmed (the words they use reminds me of my hostel days ..Aahh those days when you could call a spade a spade and a *beep* a *beep*!!.)..well this is what that sums up a typical train journey while travelling 2nd class.

Phewhh!! I am glad I am back to my the way have you ever heard idioms like Choohe ke mooh me pohe, langoor ke haath me angoor?? or lets put it this way, Imagine angelina jolie wearing a Relaxo ki chappal to the cannes film festival or may be george clooney wearing a lux-cozi with enough holes in it to make it look like a map of Lakshadweep, and if you are still struggling to picture this have a look at this pic.

Vinod kambli and his (much much muchaamuch) better half!!


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Frustoons- the comic strip!!

Behenjeez and unke bhaailogz!! My friend Shashank and your's truly have come together to start a cartoon strip which chronicles the life and times of a frustrated engineering student named "Frustoo". go check it out. it's worth the effort..Here's the link

bataana zaroor kaisa laga nahee to katti :/ !!

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Ek chhotu post!! :)

As I type this sentence I have absolutely no idea as to what this post will be about. Actually my ideas se bhara steamer has been captured at Mud Island, a certain khuddaar inspector with a (chand rupayo ke khaatir) unsold zameer be damned. Layman ki zubaan me - My brain is currently out of coverage area of the 'Idea' network. As these days my life has been as exciting as that of a Bangladeshi ice-hockey player. So I have nothing much to blog about. Should i cry buhuhu!! :( .

After a few days I'll be off to Bangalore. A new job, same old h**r**mi friends, long drives, nightclubs (sorry no booze) and Atif are gonna keep me entertained/busy there. Blogging probably may take a backseat. The posting-frequency may go down. But then I will have a lot to write, rant, blabber and make fun of. And the li'l brainy will again pick signals of that elusive Idea network.

On the flip side, There will be moments of extreme disgust, pangs of nostalgia, mental fatigue and god(google)-help-me-or-i'll-shoot-the-incharge. The deadlines may prove to be more deadly than tushar kapoor in an emotional scene. But at the end of the day I’ll have my Garam bheja fry ka thela(stall) and you guys : my loyal customers, who will hopefully pull over at the stall and shout out " Oye Ganpatt!! chal plate laa". And as i'll prepare the same old recipe pyaar se, my worries and angst of the day will be shot at, near lokhandwala. ( ok ok !! agreed that lokhandwala dint make any sense!!).

And hey my final sem reults are out.I completed the degree with an aggregate of 80.XX %. I was like "Oye ganpattt!! chal daaru laa" :p