Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Borekut...are you!!!

So you say "ahaaan orkut again!!" reading the tiltle....After even pados ke guptaji ka tommy has got a profile on orkut...POINT blank encounters wakes up to the brouhaha over orkut...
Another community on Orkut spewed some constipated theories about Shivaji and then who else but **Shivsena** activists acted as MCD for the cafewalaahs in maharashtra. Shutters dwn. Bechaare poor little kids who just wanted to see some harmless porn on the WWW with no Evil intentions of scrapping any body were deprived. UNICEF will look into the matter. Now the pure little souls have to bribe the cable walaahs for sum late-nite aid..My heart bleeds 2 1/2 bottles a day for those kids...[ok maan liyaa that 2 1/2 bottles dint make any sense...aage padho jee]

For the same purpose which could have been well served in broad daylight, the "honahaar bacchaas" will be deprived of some precious sleep..Mummyji thinks her bacchaa is studying chemistry late nite not aware of the fact that he is even seeing the "reactions" taking place. Father sniffs foulplay but he knows that today's not thursday so the cable channel is safe late nite. The cablewaala gets his extra payments from the father as well....

Well Orkut ki baat ho rahee thi...Waise being a guy i don't recieve such "hai!! can we be FRandz" kinda msgs..But what i do recieve are msgs of some other orientation...crooked sexual orientation... excerpts of a conv with a unknown guy on one boring Monday afternoon when i bunked my class..

Wetpants_ashwin : Hi, how u doin...

Me: hiaa buddy...where you've been .Long time No Peee...

Wetpants_ashwin : Can i ask you one thing??

(eewks he's no fun ...comes straight to the point , which is the only thing straight abt him..)

Me: My scrapbk is your playground Go on!!

Wetpants_ashwin : If only you desire....Can we have some fun on the bed..

Me: My bed is no appu ghar...if you wanna have sum fun visit my blog
( i don't miss a chance to advertise my blog...hewhewhew *shrewd snigger*)

Wetpants_ashwin : Think again ...the ball is in your court!!

Me: The balls are in both the courts buddy...thatz the problem..

Wetpants_ashwin : What do you mean?? your profile shows you from chennai...gimme a call whenever you feel like havin sum num 98XXXXXX

Me: Waah beta fun chahiye tujhe aur balance mai apnaa kharch karu...iss route ki sabhi "straight" lines vyast hai...

Wetpants_ashwin : i don't understand hindi u know tamil..

Me: No saar thangew...wait till navraatri then i'll think about playing daandiya...

And he blocked me...Being a guy who has been blocked by a gay is naak kataane waali baat...So i kept quite...Till i spilled the secret here...Wetpants if you are reading this then yaar apni pant ko rassi par sookhne ko daal do dhoop me...Aur tab tak kar lo duniyaa chaddi me...

Breaking news: UNICEF has granted an aid for the maraathi children each bacchaa will get sum 25 rs for bribing the cablewaalah. Mere ko bhi 25 rupaye do phir myheart will stop bleeding.:)


Saturday, November 18, 2006

Ek Philmy TAG...

So i was tagged once again. Here i had to describe the best scenes i have ever seen on screen. Aashun did it. I thought of writing this post sitting on the lap of Mithun daa ( coz lot of his movies will make it to the list)...but then i saw bipashaa making a weepy face as if john eloped with Elton JOHN (or may be chris 'GAY'le)...I had to oblige her...

When i was a chota bacchaa i gasped seeing Sunny deol planting his "dhaai kilo kaa haath" on the "chaar kilo ki tond" of south indian villains..Then came Akshay kumar..the khilaadi boy...cooing pervert numbers with thigh baring girls and sending the toned and muscular gundaas flying with his karate kicks...I remember once i kicked the door after i was back from school...Mum heard the loud bang...Two slaps later i was as calm as gurudutt silently scribbling my homework...

Govinda too had an influence on me..At least i was assured that even if i don't study well a glamorous and macho job of a koolie is assured...and add a plate of daily free bhel poori to that..
One day my father told me that one of his distant uncles, who happens to live in the same city is gonna visit our place..My father instructed me to behave myself and touch his feet when i meet him. I retorted with govinda in my head and david dhawan in my veins

"Kasam paidaa karne waale ki aby aajtak sirf do logo ke aage jhuktaa aaya hai ek to uparwaala jo kismat banaata hai aur ek naai jo hazaamat banaata hai..huhh!!"

When the distant uncle did arrive, he enquired to my father why my one cheek was swollen Red compared to the other. My father was caught off guard..somehow he managed "Umm...Might be a mosquito bite"...
Yep!! slapping was a family tradition in our khaandaan...Ooops i drifted from the tag..and you people didn't tell me..jaago india jaago..chalo ab time aa gayaa ki scene likhe jaaye..

1. Lagaan :- I cannot exactly recall the name of the characters ..but in one of the scenes in which the village team is shown practicing how to bat..A lower caste untouchable is holding the bat..sumone bowls..he hits the ball hard..the ball flies..Hits the bell of the temple, which prohibits the lower caste ppl to enter its premises..The bell clangs..Everybody hears it..Nobody speaks a word...I say..awwwww what a poetic depiction....Cricket achieved for that untouchable what his anscestors couldn't achieve in generations...

2. Rang de basanti:- The million dollar smile of aamir khan as he tosses the pistol sitting on a stool at the radio station...and the song in the background was a bliss..

3. Military raaj :- Mithun daa with all his hair pony-tailed, wearing reshmi karaate outfit, meditating in his 'aashram'..lot of curly hair gundaas wearing striped t-shirts assemble in the background. They take turns while getting beaten. Mithun uses just his two fingers to beat the shit out of the unwarranted ruffians who dared to disturb him...Mithun doesn't even blink...the same two fingers that hold the ciggie, the same two fingers which give competetion to the sales of itch-guard, the same two fingers which dig the nostrils clean...No wonder mithun is called prabhu ji.

4. Matrix :- The fight sequence...oooh breathtaking...between hugo weaving and apna neo...

Abhi itne hi yaad aa rahe hai...chalo ab baaki log...Tag le looooooooo!! behenji bilkul taaze hai...itne saste kahee nahee milenge...le lo sir..bilkul phreshh!!


Thursday, November 16, 2006


12:06 pm
5th nov 2006
University exams over…

So this was it. The Final classroom semester was over with the exams. 7 semesters of scratching the blackboard with your eyeballs, 7 semesters of carrying mortein mosquito coil to the classroom for some undisturbed sleep during the hours, 7 semesters of having rice (and its derivatives) as your breakfast, 7 semesters of skirmishes, misunderstandings, pyaar muhabbat, dosti yaari tazaa maaza, 7 semesters of trying…too hard…(squeezing the pillows at night..nothing more..L), 7 semesters of learning that ‘proxy’ is also a word used with the Servers other than maaring it for first day first show dekhne waale dost, 7 semesters of ….counting till 7….hehe

Sab khatam…Nostalgia is the word…. but half of the dost don’t know any such word exists (blame it on their firangi lingo se nafrat) and the other GRE ghissing CAT pakding half are too cold to FEEL the word.

Just as we came out of the examination hall, we were as excited as we were in the 8th standard when the teacher was about to teach us the intricacies of the human reproductive system.

The slogging days were over. We were one step closer to become an apna desi know-nothing engineer. But Ki farak paindaa hai…party-sharty maaro yaaro..some of my friends announced to turn into a macchli (phishh) and jump into an aquarium filled with daaru that night ….weird thought…but then I told them not to include any Bengali friends in their fishy plan…”kee dada maaachh khaabo…” they will end up eating each other….

Daaru, ciggie is as far from me as Aishwarya is from vivek or cardamom for that matter.

Then for the next three days my tongue was busy mopping pizza toppings, and the throat absorbing ice creams.

11:17 pm
11th nov 2006
Prostate on a berth.…Chennai-Indore express

The chill of the Ice cream and the November night got to my head. My body temperature had already raised its bat to the stands and kissed the ground after reaching the 100 mark. I couldn’t applaud. After spending the next day curled up like a slimy reptile on the upper berth with a book. And guess which one…’The Kite runner’…No explanation needed.

I reached my home early morning after the autowallaah sucked enough currency from my wallet to buy a new auto-rickshaw. I was fever-stricken carrying more mucus in my head than the weight of my luggage.
Finally I was home.

Home is where the television is, home Is where the pills are, home is where there is hot water, home is where the pooraana thermometer is, home is where there’s someone worried for you, Home is where Mum IS there.

I have recovered, not fully but well enough to pull off an awry post like this. Soon the stories will be woven the plots will be built and the point blank encounters will kick. Till then I’ll sit back and enjoy watching my friends scuba-dive in the aquarium.(yep!! The videos have been uploaded on youtube!!)


Thursday, November 09, 2006


It took some mosquitoes from transylvania and a few sadist examiners to keep me away frm my blog (yep malaria gripped me!!)...Well in these days i've planned the sequel of the horror story...i will post it sooner than MCD reaches your city...and hey one question i put forth u people...

I was planning to get my collection of short stories published...Are they good enough to be published??
...send in your comments...i've few other stories written in similar vein...jaldi bataaiye nowadays i'm as free as a spoon which comes free with a red label chai patti kaa now i'll blog n blog and bloggggggg...