Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Mithun the messiah..period (and a colon followed by a 'P')

As the offer for the Mithun DVDs in the last post drew an enthusiastic response I present to you two vintage classics of the legendary Mithun Chakrowarty. Popularly known as 'prabhuji' among the rikshaw pulling fraternity, the great bong idol is like a salt-shaker which is used by the bloggers to pepper up their posts with some humour.( and yeah you are right!! a living example is this blog.). so here are the two titles..

1) BKF
Starring: Mithun, Raza Muraad, Mcmohan, Some random petite "Towel-happy" girl..

Cheetah (Mithun daa) is a waiter in a coffee shop..The shop owner (raza muraad) is shrewd and "Zaalim". Half of the waiters are bonded laborers..He whips his waiters for every drop of coffee spilled from the cup while serving..No concession to bechaare boodhe baba..Cheetah is initially wafaadaar but then he stands up to the "zulm"..The owner has political links and he rears a kennel of pot bellied gundaas..But Cheetaah is fearless ..He had learnt an ancient form of martial art "Awaak-thoo" in his childhood (The art involves fighting with a toothpick as your weapon and when the opponent is down, the finishing act is spitting on him "awaak thoo".).
Kung Fu lacks the glamor so cheetaah detested it...He beats the gundaas to pulp and spittle and In between the action sequences He coos pervert numbers with the owner's innocent thigh baring daughter ( her wardrobe is stacked up with designer towels)..Cheetaah has a long list of "badlaas to take from the shop-owner"....But the road ahead is As tough as reading the Coffee shop bills...

Kya mithun apne mazdoor bhaaiyo ko insaaf dilaa paayega?? kyaa mithun apne pyaar ko paa sakega?? jaan ne ke liye dekhiye... CCD productions
Price : $ 3.99 (It is actually the cost of producing the full movie in Ooty)
Items : 1 DVD of the movie + One polka dotted designer towel free .

2) MKD (Sequel of Barista ka Farishta)
Starring : Same Stars + Some more + Mimmoh (son of Mithun da)

Cheetaah is an old man now and his thigh baring wife can now bare Only to scare people....Cheetaah runs the inherited communist Barista'...Coffee is passe' they sell vadaa paao and cut-chai nowadays..They face stiff competition from across the street situated the Capitalist Mocha's, Who mix marijuana with the coffee they and Fardeen khan flock to Mocha's..Cheetaah complains but the local pot-bellied thaanedaar is "bikaa huaa" and the MLA (Sadashiv amrapurkar) just sniggers when he is approached...

Cheetaah's son is practical and he wants to adulterate the barista cup of coffee too (to attract potent customers like Rahul mahaajan)...daddyji is reticent.. Mimmoh hates bengali but not the bengali girls..He has dreams of aquiring the profit making 'Mocha'..He "pataaos" the mocha owner's bitchy daughter.. Then he sings running around coffee plants chasing his love..

" 'Mocha' milega to hum bataa denge ,tumhe kitna pyaar karte hai sanam.."

Mocha daddy is happy with the relation his daughter is in ..He has links with the MLA..He has set his eyes on the "keemti zameen" on which Barista stands..
Cheetaah is khuddaaar...Son revolts and becomes a "ghar jamaai" of the mocha khaandaan. .Cheetaah vows never to see his son's face again..Son quips."He just needs to drop his glasses, he'll see nobody's face"...Cheetaah's hearing ability is not like his vision..He overhears his son saying all this..Uska "khoon khaulta hai" and he draws his "pushtaini" tooth-pick..aage jaan ne ke liye dekhiye..

Filter kaapi productions

Price : $ 0.99 (Cost of hiring Sadashiv amrapurkar)
Items : 1 DVD of the movie + A chance to act in the next movie.

Anybody Game??


Monday, December 18, 2006

6000+ Kms in 10 days...

Nahee, Nope, Nyet, Illaiya..I wasn't on a cross country bike expedition spreading awareness on AIDS, Cancer, Polio, Piles,Constipation..or any thing of that sort..neither i was selling agarbattees, detergent or Mithun's movie DVDs door to door.

A project demo in chennai, A distant cousin's marriage in agra and a brief halt in Ranchi .

Result: ThandaBhejafry
But during this "Akkhaa India" trip i gathered "jholaa bharke" blogging material. Ye lo jhole kaa kuchh maal....

Scene 1:

Date: 13th dec

The day which witnessed around 36,000 knots being tied alone in Delhi, I was in agra attending one such wedding. I was a member of a extremely chaotic and jubilant baraat inching towards the venue (some rated hotel). The baraat swarmed with mithun and govinda lookalikes and had little room for the amol paalekar in me.Earlier i had one such experience.
Ab seedhe chalte hai humaare samvaad daata abhishek ke paas jo ki hotel pahuch chuke hai.

If u would have accidentally stumbled on my blog link more often than not ( after all, To err is human)..You might be knowing that I 've been a hungry kiddo, with podium finishes in almost all the eating competitions i took part in. The proprietor of the college canteen was so overwhelmed by my contribution to his sales that he named his 5th son as "Abhishek".

So when i saw the waiters moving about with laden trays Blogspot ki kasam i cudn't resist. I picked up a main course plate and shuttled between the food stalls and somehow i came out making my way among other fellow podium finishers. My plate was like an aerial shot of New Orleans after Katrina.

When i was about to lick the plate as clean as the comment page of a novice blogger, I looked up from my plate and saw that the DJ was fixing his wares and the makeshift dance floor was laid on the lawn. In firang lingo..i cud have said "the DJ is inn the house" but I am still a amol paalekar who loves to hog on some "fokut kaa maal".

After a few tweaks the Dj was ready to rock the party (as they claim, but for me the real rock stars are the chefs and un tipped waiters). After 10 minutes or so the floor was brimming with the jawaan chhokraas and chhokrees gyrating together. Some of the late joiners who were moving a feet or two at the edge of the wooden elevated dance floor got spilled over.
As the Dj was belting out hip shaking numbers one after the another, the periphery of the dance floor was lined up by a) Those uncles who had there glasses 'neat'ly half filled, b)the spillage from the dance floor and c)people like myself. We were feeling the sensuous pelvic thrust on our eye-balls.
The DJ was the one who was wearing the funkiest of the clothes you could imagine.( fair enough..what do you expect a kurta pyjamah clad DJ to play for you..say Bhajans!!). He was nodding to each request which ranged from Snoop dogg to "Sarkaaye lo khatiyaa..". Then suddenly I noticed a tall guy creating mayhem on the dance floor with his moves. He was reported as being the "Kanpur waali mausee ke chote damaad". And sure he was living up to his name. He had a white pair of "action ke sports shoes" on. An unbuttoned orange jacket over a bright red shirt made him look like a character from the nursery sketchbook of a mischievous child.

He was holding the ends of his jacket and flapped it like wings and was moving his legs as if he was on a treadmill.The same move for all the songs. He was kicking some butts and crotches in the process and was a major cause of the spillage.Then after running some 5 Kms on the virtual treadmill he went over to the DJ ..

Kanpur ke bhaiya : Arey bhaiya aapke paas Koolie no. 1 ka cassette hai kyaa?? thoda usko fit kar dijiye naa...

Dj : (stares him coldly so cold that it would have evolved an Ice age)..

Kanpur ke bhaiya : (laughs) arey to aisaa bolo naa yaar bakshees (Tip) lo mithaai khaana ..(tries to shove a five rupee note in the shirt pocket of the djay)..

Dj : ( ICE AGE-2 )......

The kanpuri lad with a wry smile retracts his hands and saves the five rupee note for his pan masaala. And he was back on the dance floor to flap his wings on latino numbers.

As the density on the people reduced, the Dj switched on the white smoke to cover up the floor to give a heavenly experience. this was a golden opportunity for people like me who had their eye sight fixed on dropped coins lying on the dance floor. So we people quickly jumped in to pocket the coins as smoke helped us.( kam se kam gift ke paise to vasoolne to yaaro)

This was also a chance for the aunties and girls who required tonnes of Krack cream to cure "unki fati ediyaaa".Smoke covers all.Smoke is GOOD!!.

And when apne patiyaala waale paappaji was dancing mosquitoes didn't dare enter his range.Just about ten minutes back two mosquitoes over paappaji's head were making out in public airborne. When he was trying to encourage his chota puttar with "oye kee hoyaa!!... puttar dance kar !!". He clapped over his head viciously and squisshhh!! the poor dengue carriers were squashed to death. The premi machhars jinhone saath jeene-marne ki kasmey khaayee thi met the same fate at the end.With the sad end to the love story of two innocent mosquitoes( jinhone duniya kaa kuchh nahee bigaada thaa *sob*) i end this post.Jhole me abhi bhi bahut kuchh bachaa hai.By the way do you want any mithun DVDs... just in case...


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Wo bhooli dastaan phir yaad aa gayee..!!

Aa gayee yaad aa gayee..!! Yep!! I do remember i have a blog here..( nobody missed me though hehe) ..but mithun ki heroines ki kasam I have never been in such deep shit , so deep that drilling few more metres i might meet greg chapel. Project work !! yes the Final year projects are here.The professors move around with a evil smile pasted on their faces. The final year students are collecting funds to build a temple for the almighty larry page and sergey brin. Girls are frequenting to beauty parlours keeping in mind that the project in-charge is a young MALE professor, so even if the code doesn't compile..then * samajh rahe ho naa :D*..

And the bespectacled girls, who Visit beauty parlours as often as i visit the white house, religiously sleep with the keyboard, by hitting on the keys.
(All puns gladly intended)
Phewhh!! My Scrap-Count growth rate is decaying exponentially. Fellow bloggers who linked me from their pages are thinking of deleting the link. Some people with no projects to complete and no friends like wetpants to keep them busy are doing this. I was amazed.

Ooops gotta go!! Larry page ke mandir me aarti kaa time ho gayaa!!

larry page & sergey brin :- founders of Google inc.(Info for the pure and honest guys )