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Monday, December 18, 2006

6000+ Kms in 10 days...



Nahee, Nope, Nyet, Illaiya..I wasn't on a cross country bike expedition spreading awareness on AIDS, Cancer, Polio, Piles,Constipation..or any thing of that sort..neither i was selling agarbattees, detergent or Mithun's movie DVDs door to door.

A project demo in chennai, A distant cousin's marriage in agra and a brief halt in Ranchi .

Result: ThandaBhejafry
But during this "Akkhaa India" trip i gathered "jholaa bharke" blogging material. Ye lo jhole kaa kuchh maal....

Scene 1:

Date: 13th dec

The day which witnessed around 36,000 knots being tied alone in Delhi, I was in agra attending one such wedding. I was a member of a extremely chaotic and jubilant baraat inching towards the venue (some rated hotel). The baraat swarmed with mithun and govinda lookalikes and had little room for the amol paalekar in me.Earlier i had one such experience.
Ab seedhe chalte hai humaare samvaad daata abhishek ke paas jo ki hotel pahuch chuke hai.

If u would have accidentally stumbled on my blog link more often than not ( after all, To err is human)..You might be knowing that I 've been a hungry kiddo, with podium finishes in almost all the eating competitions i took part in. The proprietor of the college canteen was so overwhelmed by my contribution to his sales that he named his 5th son as "Abhishek".

So when i saw the waiters moving about with laden trays Blogspot ki kasam i cudn't resist. I picked up a main course plate and shuttled between the food stalls and somehow i came out making my way among other fellow podium finishers. My plate was like an aerial shot of New Orleans after Katrina.

When i was about to lick the plate as clean as the comment page of a novice blogger, I looked up from my plate and saw that the DJ was fixing his wares and the makeshift dance floor was laid on the lawn. In firang lingo..i cud have said "the DJ is inn the house" but I am still a amol paalekar who loves to hog on some "fokut kaa maal".

After a few tweaks the Dj was ready to rock the party (as they claim, but for me the real rock stars are the chefs and un tipped waiters). After 10 minutes or so the floor was brimming with the jawaan chhokraas and chhokrees gyrating together. Some of the late joiners who were moving a feet or two at the edge of the wooden elevated dance floor got spilled over.
As the Dj was belting out hip shaking numbers one after the another, the periphery of the dance floor was lined up by a) Those uncles who had there glasses 'neat'ly half filled, b)the spillage from the dance floor and c)people like myself. We were feeling the sensuous pelvic thrust on our eye-balls.
The DJ was the one who was wearing the funkiest of the clothes you could imagine.( fair enough..what do you expect a kurta pyjamah clad DJ to play for you..say Bhajans!!). He was nodding to each request which ranged from Snoop dogg to "Sarkaaye lo khatiyaa..". Then suddenly I noticed a tall guy creating mayhem on the dance floor with his moves. He was reported as being the "Kanpur waali mausee ke chote damaad". And sure he was living up to his name. He had a white pair of "action ke sports shoes" on. An unbuttoned orange jacket over a bright red shirt made him look like a character from the nursery sketchbook of a mischievous child.

He was holding the ends of his jacket and flapped it like wings and was moving his legs as if he was on a treadmill.The same move for all the songs. He was kicking some butts and crotches in the process and was a major cause of the spillage.Then after running some 5 Kms on the virtual treadmill he went over to the DJ ..

Kanpur ke bhaiya : Arey bhaiya aapke paas Koolie no. 1 ka cassette hai kyaa?? thoda usko fit kar dijiye naa...

Dj : (stares him coldly so cold that it would have evolved an Ice age)..

Kanpur ke bhaiya : (laughs) arey to aisaa bolo naa yaar bakshees (Tip) chahiye...ee lo mithaai khaana ..(tries to shove a five rupee note in the shirt pocket of the djay)..

Dj : ( ICE AGE-2 )......

The kanpuri lad with a wry smile retracts his hands and saves the five rupee note for his pan masaala. And he was back on the dance floor to flap his wings on latino numbers.

As the density on the people reduced, the Dj switched on the white smoke to cover up the floor to give a heavenly experience. this was a golden opportunity for people like me who had their eye sight fixed on dropped coins lying on the dance floor. So we people quickly jumped in to pocket the coins as smoke helped us.( kam se kam gift ke paise to vasoolne to yaaro)

This was also a chance for the aunties and girls who required tonnes of Krack cream to cure "unki fati ediyaaa".Smoke covers all.Smoke is GOOD!!.

And when apne patiyaala waale paappaji was dancing mosquitoes didn't dare enter his range.Just about ten minutes back two mosquitoes over paappaji's head were making out in public airborne. When he was trying to encourage his chota puttar with "oye kee hoyaa!!... puttar dance kar !!". He clapped over his head viciously and squisshhh!! the poor dengue carriers were squashed to death. The premi machhars jinhone saath jeene-marne ki kasmey khaayee thi met the same fate at the end.With the sad end to the love story of two innocent mosquitoes( jinhone duniya kaa kuchh nahee bigaada thaa *sob*) i end this post.Jhole me abhi bhi bahut kuchh bachaa hai.By the way do you want any mithun DVDs... just in case...

Labels:

21 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Lady Godiva said...

potli waale baba ki jai ho!!!
waiting for you take some more of such amazing stuffs out of your potli.

8:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as usual i love reading your posts. :)..Keep writing

11:34 AM  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

how u portray the stuff is so realistic and funny!!
the dance floor sidelines are so true. there will be a category 0f people just standing and watching

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok I can tell u what to do.. take some firangs with you and pretend as if you are trying to help the shopkeeper and not those firangs. I talked to the in Hindi ..pretending that I dont want Firangs to know that how I am helping them get this deal.. I told them in Hindi that I know that your stuff is nice but these guys have finished their shopping (they had not) ..if you dont reduce they ll go...things like that and maybe you can get a free Barista coffee then :)

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok I can tell u what to do.. take some firangs with you and pretend as if you are trying to help the shopkeeper and not those firangs. I talked to them in Hindi ..pretending that I dont want Firangs to know that how I am helping them get this deal.. I told them in Hindi that I know that your stuff is nice but these guys have finished their shopping (they had not) ..if you dont reduce they ll go...things like that and maybe you can get a free Barista coffee then :)

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:) well you are too good at telling stories,....far far better than I am .. it will not be exaggeration at all if I say my inspiration.. Just take some firang along and bluff to the shopkeeper in hindi .. am sure they will offer u more than a barista coffee...
barista coffee to hum jaise logo ke liye acha hai..aapko to zyada milna chahiye

10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:) well you are too good at telling stories,....far far better than I am .. it will not be exaggeration at all if I say my inspiration.. Just take some firang along and bluff to the shopkeeper in hindi .. am sure they will offer u more than a barista coffee...
barista coffee to hum jaise logo ke liye acha hai..aapko to zyada milna chahiye

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:) well you are too good at telling stories,....far far better than I am .. it will not be exaggeration at all if I say my inspiration.. Just take some firang along and bluff to the shopkeeper in hindi .. am sure they will offer u more than a barista coffee...
barista coffee to hum jaise logo ke liye acha hai..aapko to zyada milna chahiye

10:19 PM  
Blogger phatichar said...

hilarious!! still rofl@mithun dvds..hyuk, hyuk...

1:22 PM  
Anonymous mini said...

~laughs~
cool post!

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome post dude.. the way u bring out the details in a humorous way is just too.. whats the word i'm looking for? .. side-splitting and gut-busting :-)

Lage Raho Abhi-bhai!

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doctor sahab aapka itna dimaag kaise chalta hai yaar... but meri blog life me sahi time pe tapke ho aap..such a nice breeze of stories in this tough time :) BARISTA KA FARISHTA ke copyrights mujhe chahiye :)...aaoke patients to aapki stories sun ke hi theek ho jaate honge..itna jovial hona ache doctor ki nishaani hai..chennai me na hote to main bhi mareezon ki line me lag jaati :)

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Taks said...

ha ha ha .... this had me LOL, so loud that it put a look of shock on my colleague's face, who was shutting down his PC to go home.

Yeaaa ... mereko chahiye na ... I need a couple of Mithun DVDs ... I hope u have some "Buy 1 Get 3 Free" offers on them

2:45 AM  
Blogger dharmu said...

good one. so, wat happened to the wing flapping damaad? and did the premi machhar ke atma-take the badla on pappaji???

3:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bengalis kyon specifically? and mithun kyon specifically? I hate him...achi mazedaar bakwaas hai :)

8:06 AM  
Blogger cardamom said...

Godiva potli waale baba Sehgal will dish out more of such crap in near future..

Penguin Mithun is prabhuji..and he is a bong..;)..hey watch out for the next post..:)

Itching2write Thanx mam!! The only cool person on the sidelines of the dance floor is the DJ.:)

10:50 AM  
Blogger cardamom said...

Phatichar.. I luv the way you snigger 'hyuk hyuk'..hehe and more about mithun DVD's in the next post..:))

Mini ~blushes~ thanx and welcum here !!

Kiran...Thanx jee..welcum here..Keep visiting for more random bakwaas here!! :)

11:03 AM  
Blogger cardamom said...

Taks...Welcum here Btw next post me sale lagne waali hai mithun DVD's ki tum bhi aana aur apne colleague ko bhi laana!! :)

Dharmu..Actually after about 20 minutes of more wings-flapping the damaad took off from the ground..and when he was hovering over Paappaaji's head..Pappaji clapped again and ..SQUISHHH!!! :(

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

want to add the free dictionary to my blog too :) hope no panga with you..copying ur idea... if no issues then tell me how to use it :)

Thanks in advance

12:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how will doing this help you read my posts ? sorry fuse ud gaya :)bole to confuse ho gayee

5:20 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

@ penguin

arey phir jab tuf words nahee samajh aayenge to meaning dekh lunga double click maar ke..bheak angrezee hai :P

5:23 PM  

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