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Sunday, June 24, 2007

bang bang!!

Iss sentence ko likhne ke dauraan iss keyboard ke ek bahaadur sipaahi – backspace key par bahut atyaachaar huaa hai. All-india-backspace-key-bachaao-samiti ne raajyapaal ko ek gyaapan diya hai. Aur hadtaal ki dhamki bhi saath me speedpost ki hai.
Phewhh!! Enuf of bakwaas, its my 4th day in the garden cITy of India and the weather has been as sexy as Katrina kaif, priyanka chopra and Bipasha “tripling” on a TVS champ (moped) and the laffu chhokras either side of the street throwing buckets of water on the giggly chicks as they glide by singing “why should boys have all the fun” (hehe boys are still having fun!!).
It all started when I boarded the Bangalore bound Rajdhani exp from Bhopal at such a time when even engineering students go to sleep (alone ..mind you!!). One of my “dilli ka dost” had booked my tkts from delhi and I needed to board the train from Bhopal (Sat sri tatkaal!). When the train arrived and I was about to embark upon the tirain a TT sahib popped up like a matrimonial ad of shaadi.com. He asked me to show him the ticket. (Shakal to allaah ki den hai ab mai chor-uchakka dikhta hu to it izz naat my faalt). I fished out the ticket from a andheri pocket and showed it to him. The TT gave me a left-eyebrow-raised “iss baar to bach gaye bacchuu” look. I gladly climbed the steps making a mental note that jab boodhaa ho jaaunga to ek film banaaunga iske saath picture ka naam “Khuddaar TT” - agar tumhe train par WT chadhna hai to tumhe meri laash ke upar pair rakh ke jaana hoga ”.
When I did reach the compartment somehow, I found my friend happily wrapped up in a railway blanket ready to be exported. Mine was the middle berth (3 tier ki ruswaaiyaan!!). The eunuchs never ask for money from the people lying on the middle berth, kyuki unko bhi pata hai ki “ye to beech kaa hai”. I stretched my legs lying on the “beech kaa berth”. It was 5 in the morning.
After about two hours my friend woke up and after poking me in my ribs nearly 27 times he woke me up as well. When I looked at him groggily He asks me with a innocent smile on his face “ tu kab aaya yaar!!”. He’s a sardar FYI. I thought of yelling a “teri **** ki.. jagaaya kyu??“. but it wasn’t my colg hostel so I managed with a “ yaar mai to tere suitcase me tha….tune dekha nahee &^%$@ “ (bachpan me padhaa tha ki jab bhi daaku dhamaaka singh ko chacha chaudhary ullu banaata tha wo aise hi gaaliya bakta tha “$#%^@” wohi dekh ke seekh gaya main).
One other uncleji was waiting anxiously for me to descend so that he could lower the berth and run thru the Economic times editorials. (yaar aisee hi junta aati hai..Where are those good old Manohar kahaaniyaa readers). Sharam ke maare I descended.
On the opposite berth there was a newly wed couple which had no qualms in coochie-cooing in public. ( and you guessed it right I had no qualms as well muhaha!!). Saale saahab bhi saath me the the official kabaab me haddi-washing machine me chaddi was a 2nd year engineering student. And no prizes in guessing that his sister was “the ideal aunty” :D . They were residents of Bangalore and they were trying to flaunt this fact. When I asked her husband when do we get the “fokut ki bed tea”.
He said “ abhi tak to aa jaani chahiye normally to aa jaati hai, humaara aana jana to issi train se hota hai u know!!”
“ohh…ok” I sighed.
I expected them to say in chorus “Hum to susu karne bhi raajdhani se jaate hai”.
Saale saab was busy hitting on a giggly sardaarni of the same age as his.
Sample this.
“ Engineering kar rahee ho?? “
“hihihihi *giggle* haan”
“Stream kaun si hai??”
“hihihi!! wo kyaa hota hai?? Hihihihi “
“Close-up use karti ho yaa happydent chabaati ho??”
“hihihihihi”
I slept through most parts of the journey only waking for the fokut ka lunch, dinner, jumpin, pepsi, soup etc. The next morning we reached a chilled out Bangalore. Temperature was below 20 degrees. The munda from dilli my dost, was about to collapse of hypothermia . (dili ki garmi huhaha!!).
Chal baaki ki kahaaniyaa baad me sunaaunga Sify Iway ka quota poora ho gaya. MG road aur brigade road ki jhalkiyo ke saath. I know without pics this post is looking like a ved prakash Sharma ka jaasoosi upanyaas (novel). Kal Monday hai kal se mere kandhe par hal daal diya jaayega, kaano me mother india ke gaane lagaa ke khet jutwaayenge .Lunch me roomaal me roti baandh ke le jaaunga aur kisi tree ke neeche baith ke khoon paseene ki roti khaaunga.buhuhu!! The training starts tomorrow.

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17 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger gunj said...

me first!

8:21 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

this was sooo funny ya....n i missed ur signature jokes man!
loved it!
come bak with more!
n v soon pleaze!

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im second! :D

-Deepa!
will get back aftr reading :P

9:58 PM  
Blogger ANKIT said...

hi there,,,

mazaa aaya post pad ke,,,,,
..mind ko fresh kar dala,,,!!

ala TATA SKY... jinga lala...!!


ankit,

1:55 AM  
Blogger Abhi said...

Abbe dharti ke laal , brigade road pahonch jaya kar har shaam deo chandan laga ke.kasam parthiv patel ke gaalo ki , thakaan mit jayegi.

4:38 AM  
Anonymous dumbum said...

lolz... this was hilarious!!! welcome bak... lukinf 4wrd 2 d movie ur planning to make [:P]

8:30 AM  
Blogger Anshul Agrawal said...

very funny post...

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oye weather forecast!Ye post mein mausam ki jaankari mat diya kar,dil rota hai! Im jai-less! :/

Middle berth :D ..hhehhhahahha..bure karamz ka fal lagta hai :P!

Training k liye all d verry best[to wipro ;)]!jai ram ji ki!

-Deepa!

2:36 PM  
Blogger Vandita said...

this was super....just what i needed after another faaltu day at college in this stupid delhi ki garmi
lolzzz... write more soon :)

6:22 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

to mazdoor sangh ki pehli ghadiya kya keh rahi hai?? kayde ka chaavdar ped mila ke nahi?? baarish mein to nahi bheega?? hehe... kya kare?? poochna padta hai!! mazdoori mein puraane haatho mein se ek jo thehre!! waise rajdhaani ki kahani badiya thi.... par ek baat bataiyo!! yeh fokat ka khana kab se hua?? gala katke rajdhani ka bhada lagate hai... kuch fokat ka nahi hai.. batay dete hai!! hisaab laga liyo!!

6:53 PM  
Blogger Zee said...

itna lamba comment likha aur woh udh gaya!!!! train journeys always make great stories!
don't crib abt not getting chai! at least u won't woken up by that annoying nasal "chaaayeein" at some ungodly 5am by vigrously shaking (and eventually breaking) of ur bones just when you've dozed off.......

1:11 AM  
Blogger phatichar said...

hmmmmm...aaao maharathi!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Aparna Kar said...

You are tagged here

7:38 AM  
Blogger The Black King said...

Lage raho!! Aur apne training ki kahaniya batana bhai! Sunne ke liye abhi to time hi time hai! :)

4:20 AM  
Blogger Kanupriya said...

:D

9:04 PM  
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Blogger Musaffir said...

Nice Posting
Naat

12:22 AM  

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