Thursday, May 31, 2007

Gaagaa-googoo dayz!!

Bhaaiyozz and behenozz!! First of all reach out to that sparkling new button on your monitor which you have never used before and toggle to the colour-adjustment option and mercilessly keep pressing it till the colour-scale is equal to the number of girl-friends/boy-friends you have. (btw the persons who are reading this post on their Orpat ka bada calculator need not worry!!). Bilack & white feel laao maamu flashback ke pehle. Before i 'flush' back err run a flashback i want you to be a li'l serious and stop advertising your jaundiced teeth.

All readers in chorus "Saale , khud ko dekh tere daanto ko dekh ke aisa lagta hai poori yellow river pi gaya hai tu!!"

Nevermind, chalo ateet ki yaadon me. San Unneeess sau pacchhasee (1985) ki baat hai december ka sard zaalim maheena. A baby boy was ushered into this world at about 4 'o clock in the morning probably crying loud enough to piss off gabbar who resided some 50 miles away. After all it’s the momma's job to tell me that unless I kept quiet gabbar aa jaayega. That was the only occasion in these 21 years I woke up that early in the morning. Well months rolled by and I grew into a pretty normal kid who thought his thumb was god's candy and the soil in the backyard was Ben & jerry's raw material, so I hogged on it. Once I interacted with a sophisticated Huggies-model type kid when my mom took me to his place:

Me (to another hum-umr kid) : " oye tinku!! tune sharma jee ke lawn ki mitti khaayee kya..ohh kya chatpati hai yaar ..Waah!!"

tinku ( pareshaan hai bechara) : " Dude!! Get a life..lawn ki mitti is so LS.. I prefer my kitchen garden.."

me thinks ( saale badaa hoke tera diaper utaarunga apne blog pe..bada hero ban raha hai naa beta!!) "Waise yaar starters ke liye kya leta hai??..meri to kismat hi phooti hai..meri maa ne mere thumb pe mirchi mal dii....angoothe ko hontho tak laa ke reh jaata hu"

"OMG teri thumb pe mirchi mal di...mere thumb pe momma ne garlic spray maara hai..Gawd it stinks like hell.."

"kya kare yaar..ab to Dabar janam ghutti se hi kaam chalana padta hai…Saale mere ancestors bhi peete the same bottle se.."

"Oh you mean gripe water...Ahh well I prefer it shaken but not stirred."

"Oh.. ok..arey yaar mere ko chunnu bata raha tha ki huggies ke ad ke liye tere ko ek room me nanga daudaya tha??.." i chuckled

"..*cold sigh* ..yaar when u turn a professional you have to live with it....thoda expose to karna hi padta hai industry me bane rehne ke liye. u know"

"oye tinku ab mera poo-poo time ho gaya....door hat jaa"

"Gawd tu abhi bhi kapda use karta hai nappy ke liye....disgusting

"uwaaaaaan uu uu uwaaaaaaaaaaaaan" I raised the alarm for my momma to clean up the mess.

Funny days were those. I used to toddle about the dining room and reach the kitchen to see momma cook, waiting anxiously for her to look and throw a endearing smile at me, and when she did, I would chuckle and clap my hands gaa-gooing loudly, and eventually land on my bums. I kept repeating this act while she was in the kitchen. And at the end of it, when she was done with her chores she would hug me and kisses followed and I gaga-gooed even louder. Ahh the joys of the first born kids.

But then this smooth run took a jolt when I was just 2 years old. One night I complained of severe headache by what else but crying non-stop. It was quite unlike her li'l baby, and thats why my mum was worried. When the in-house recipes failed to alleviate my pain, the ped was called. But in vain as even after a week of medication the pain and the associated worries won't go. The family pediatrician referred the case to a neurosurgeon.

"Kahee koi serious baat to nahee hai naa" my mum asked the family ped.

"Ghabraaiye nahee..aap mil lijiye ek baar doctor ramesh chandra se.." the stiff lipped family doc had nothing more to say as my mum recounts.

Papa says mum cried after we were back from the clinic. My father was helpless and so was I.
The appointment with the surgeon was fixed and numerous medical tests were done including the CT-scan. When the reports came in, the doctor called my parents inside his cabin who were anxiously waiting for the doctor's verdict. He kept quiet for a minute and then he spoke maintaining a grim face

"Dekhiye maine dawaaiya likh di hain bas bacche ko sir me chot mat lagne dijyega, aur haan jab ye 6 saal ka ho jaaye tab isko school me daaliyega, jyada pressure mat daaliyega iske dimaag pe.." and he closed the case with these final words.

Hearts sank hearing that. Pa and ma were really confused as to what they should interpret of the doctor's words who are known for inducing euphemistic spins to the blunt facts. The doctor kept repeating the same words that their is nothing to worry about as long as we followed his "Just do as I say" statement.

“Was their first born child mentally unfit?? Will he be able to cope with his studies??” Questions whose answers were written on the wings of time.

When i was about three years old my father went ahead and got me admitted to a kindergarten, Eyebrows were raised and calls from relatives poured in but my parents stood by their decision.
And when I was in my UKG a renowned group of schools opened their branch in the city. At my father's behest I appeared for the entrance test for a direct admission into 2nd standard while I was still in UKG. Somehow I cleared the test and I skipped a whole year. The cynical relatives were silenced.
Once there, I performed reasonably well at the school exams and hence forth it was smooth sailing. And this day when I think of it, if my parents would have acted as the doc said, I wouldn't have been able to even read what I have written so far. Thank you! ma and pa for having faith in me and my abilities. Words would do gross injustice to explain my feelings for you. So I rest my case here.

P.S.: My mum recounted the whole story to me when I was in my 1st year of college.

P.P.S: Sorry readers for such a grey post like this but I felt it was necessary to vent my feelings. Thanks for listening to me.

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55 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Anonymous Anonymous said... to senti hai re :|!
abhi hanky dhoondne de,comment baad mein karti hoon :P -Deepa!

1:50 AM  
Blogger Shashank said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:08 AM  
Blogger Shashank said...

Bu hoo hoo hoo hooo
mujhe mummy ke paas jana hai!

Nice post!

2:10 AM  
Blogger Shashank said...

waise mere sath bhi bachpan me ek takleef thi jo mere khandaan me aajtak koi nahi bhool paya........
Mera pet bahut kharaab rahta tha :)
It used to keep everything in 'motion'
isiliye un dino ko yaad kar ke aaj bhi sab e'motion'al ho jate hain!

2:12 AM  
Anonymous DumBum said...

lovely post... magar tune senti kar diya... nw i just wana cry cz i miss my mom... i wish she was still arnd...

very well ritten

8:23 AM  
Blogger phatichar said...

oye! tu to munnabhai ho gaya - haste ko jhat se rula diya.

Chal ab jhat se hasa de.. :) (agle post main)

ps: Touching post :')

9:46 AM  
Blogger Anilz said...

very touching post ... 'pagal ab mujhe rulayega kya **sigh** ' :( (copied from cellone add) ... kabhi kabhi senti hoona chalta hai yar... nice post boss ... i really liked it. ooii yar tu mujhe keh deta ,mai changu baba ke tabele ka imported mitti lata thereliye.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Danish siddiqui said...

g8 post....

It reminds me of those days when I can suck my thumb ........

aabey pair(feet) key....
mai leta rehta tha...mere pair zameen per nahi the..wah kya din the..

cheers 2 ur mom n dad....

actually cheers to everybodys ma n pa...


10:25 AM  
Blogger The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Very touching indeed!.. waise I agree with the doc's diagnosis.. Bheje mein kuch to gadbad hai.. Fried hai!!
Funny post. Reminds me of the times when my Ma and Pa would contemplate taking me to a shrink. Can't say they have come a long way since then :)
*Maano jaise kal ki baat ho*
Chal, ab cheer up.. Hoping to see a phunny posht soon!

10:40 AM  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

LOL_ stop advertising your jaundiced teeth. nice account of the kids talking- fit for a look who is talking too type movie
and great decision by your parents but UKG to std 2 seems a bit far fetched - is it really true?

10:48 AM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

@ itchy

When i was about to complete my UKG i appeared for the entrance test. I skipped 1st standard. I thought i didn't need prove the authenticity the of a kind of post like this. baah!!

11:23 AM  
Blogger Shubhankar said...

whoa...seriously amazing..started off with amazing humour like
me thinks ( saale badaa hoke tera diaper utaarunga apne blog pe..bada hero ban raha hai naa beta!!)
& finished off with an intriguing tale...
Hats off to you & your parents..!! :-)

Really nice read...Kudos..!!

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Thisisme said...

hmmm...senti kar diya re..lekin chalta hai kabhi kabhi.. :-)
on a lighter note, waise i always knew ki tumhare bheje mein kuch toh gadbad thi..aaj medically prove bhi ho gaya :))
cheers to all Ma's n pa's in the world :D

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

faith makes everything possible :)!!
kudos to ur parents :)!
apni mumma ko meri taraf se jadoo ki jhappi de dena plz :P!

"funny days....first born kids"..i simply loved this paragraph!! so cute :)!

btw,tinku kya kar raha hai aajkal? single hai? :D :D

-Deepa! :)

2:49 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

sahi hai boss!! nappy wale din yaad aa gaye... kafi sari ghatnaye aaj bhi ghar pe dohraye jaate hai.... logo ke entertainment ke liye...... (aur mere izzat ka falooda banane ke liye!!)

waise, maine bhi std 2 skip maara hai....
1 se seedhe 3!! :P

5:18 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5:22 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

tu yar kabhi khushi kabhi gham ka sequel bana re....its all about lovin ur parents![:P]
on a more serious note...we really can neva thank our parents enuff fo all that thy do fo us n still we hardly do things to show we are equally thankful to em![:)]
n huggies type bacha ajkal kahan hai??hunk ban gaya hoga[:d]

6:09 PM  
Blogger Sophomore said...

kya ch**iyapa hai bey???

saala funva milaana padega ghar pe!

8:49 PM  
Blogger The Indian Frog said...

well .. those golden dayz ll be like a dream .. wen u can luk towards anyone and he /she will hug u(WOW !!) and play wid u ..
ma and pa ko SALAAM ..
chaman ..

2:11 AM  
Blogger Aparna Kar said...

Lol. Very Original.
Goo-goo-gaa-gaa conversation- who'd have thought of it! The later part made me a bit senti though.
Aur tere exposing toddler ka kya hua? Still trying his luck in the industry ya Meh-rica padhne jaake ab wapas nahi aana chahta?

3:56 PM  
Blogger Ragamuffin said...

Good to see u changing your genre...acha laga yaar!!

7:34 PM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

# deepa

oye hanky me to naak pochh rakhi hai!! wo mat le!! :P

# comment deleted

maassha allaah kya comment likha hai bhaai!!!

# shashank

Laws of motion padhi thi naa 11th class me...lagta hai umr ke saath tera coefficient of friction badh gaya.. :p

# dumbum

khair apun ab senti nakko hai.. wapas har**mi ho gaya hai hihi!!

# phatichar

thankoo jee!! waise ek baar rote ko hasaane ka try kiya tha...chaanta maar diya usne..:P

# anilz

arey wo airtel waalo ka gunaah hai..saale usme roaming pe chess khelte hai!! changu baba ke tabele ki mitti ek baar try ki thi.kaafi strong hoti hai...apne lawn ki mitti milaa ke khaayee usko..tagda nasha chadhat hai...try kariyo kabhi!!!

2:11 AM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

# danish

haa yaar wo bhi kya din the..jab seetee waale joote pehente the apun.. aur jab dekho jaha dekho thandak faila dee!!

# alec shaana

ab to cheer up hoke cheers kar raha hu thumps up ki bottle se!! delhi ke furnace me mazaa aa raha hai??
suna hai ki chaai ke paani ko dhoop me rakh do chaai apne aap ban jaati hai!!!

# shubhankar

thanx buddy!! i deviated a long way !!

# thisisme

ab to medical jaanch se bhi pramaanit!! lIfebuoy paseene ke kitaanuo ko maar daalta hai..!! hihahah apun paagal ho gaya!!

# deepa

oye tinku ko nahee jaanti!! :O wahee to hai wo karan johar!! saala kuchh jyada hi jaldi bada ho gaya...steroids liye the..bada to ho gaya lekin side effect bhi huiye seroids ke..wo nahee bataaunga :p

# sam

aaye haaye!! aaj bhi wo khaane ki plate me fountain chalaane ki baat sabko yaad hai..aur wo baat bhi jab 6th class tak bed par roz subah africa ka map bana milta tha!!! :p

# gunj

tinku Kj ban gaya !!mai ab theek hu,,waapas wahee puraana har**mi!!

# sophomore

haa ho funwa milaa lo..dost ka hi phone use karna..apna bill kaahe badha rahe ho!! waise bhi tere ko pata nahee hai tere hi towel me naak pochaa karta hai wo!!

# aparna kar

thanks aparna!! the toddler is hosting a popular show k wid k.. :P

2:26 AM  
Blogger siby said...

1985? ek saal Big Boss me tha? :P :)
Jaundiced teeth- too good!!!

8:18 PM  
Blogger Bart Simpson said...

hehehe nice post.. never heard of anyone jump classes while still in UKG! That's way too ambitious :P

10:30 AM  
Blogger Ashyta said...

Hey, abhi tak ke jitne bhi tumhare posts padhe mujhe lag raha tha ki zindagi mein tumhare darshan karne hi padenge, kare bagair nahi marungi. Promise. :P

I mean, I never ever laughed aloud, to each and every post of just any blogger, as much I did, when I read yours.

But this one: Maahay.. I never thought tum rula bhi sakte ho.
Nahi matlab woh kiddus ke dialogues pe hanste hanste aansu aa gaye thae.

Just WOW! is the word.

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