Saturday, May 05, 2007

Indian idol- GBF scoop

Bharat ki shaan!! the season begins, and half of the Delhi junta is there. The bathroom singers jinki awaaz sunke paani chala jata hai and the pissed soapdish takes a suicidal dip down the commode unable to bear the torture, Muhammad rafee ke dandruff, kishore kumar ka paseena, GBF reporter everybody was there. The hosts Hussain ( iska first name kya hai bhaai, baap bhi hussain beta bhi hussain) and Mini mathur were shouting at the peak of their voices. "Agla indian idol kaun banegaa" chill maar ladki tu to nahee banegi...pehle naam ke mutaabik kapde pehen ke aa...'mini' mathur.

Lasith malinga look-alikes swinging their hands over snazzy guitars and singing pakistani songs eyes closed, (aas paas waaale say that whenever he closes his eyes [to sing] we close our ears), the countryside guys 'the gaaon ke bhaiye' wearing full sleeved shirts and sporting a pencil thin moustache claiming that they will win it coz they have an MBA backing them up.

And you ask “What ???”
he elaborates “Maa Behan ka Aashirwaaad” (MBA)

You can easily make out a gudri ka laal from the hip-hop crowd. He who uses words like "Uuparwala" "mehnat" , "lagan" is sure to be one with a "jaa beta jeet ke aaiyo, tujhpe pilot baba ka aashirwaad hai" wish from his 'kar-lo-duniya-mutthi-me' type mother.
Tear-happy pretty girls are waiting to torment the judges with their voices and their bitchy mums. And you would find some TT underwear-baniyan ke brand ambassadors with their bulging biceps wearing sun-glasses in the shade. They have a
ladkiya-mere-peeche-paagal-kyu-hai look on their faces. They won't even smile for the camera, attitude hai bhaai.

Our very own under-paid GBF reporter is masquerading as a contestant. He's waiting with the other contestants and is desperately trying to nab a walkman or two or even an earplug from a careless and hell of a lot nervous neighbor. And the big moment arrives

GBF is called in and is told to sit just outside the audition room. Gbf is trying to look all nervous and has the "Oii maaa ab kya hoga!!" expression on his face. And then suddenly a visibly furious contestant referring to all the female members of Anu-malik's extended family comes out of the audition room. Aur ab GBF ka number aaya.

He is facing the judges..

Anu malik : Haa suna bey!!

GBF : Jee main aapko bata du ki maine Goa ke Vasco gharaane ke guru maai ka laal jaikishan se saat saal ki sangeet ki shiksha li hai.. (he touches his ear when he utters the name of his guru)

(javed akhtar is impessed)

Udit narayan : *smiles*

Anu malik : Oye apne resume ke poster mat chipka!! chupchaap gaana gaa!!

GBF : *Beta apne baap se pooch ke aana ki chupchaap gaana kaise gaate hai* “Sir chupchaap waala kaun saa gaana hai..??”

Anu : Arey i mean gaana gaa jaldi, bhott saari sundar ladkiya wait kar rahee hai baahr!!

GBF : haa to sir ji, ye gaana dev kohli saab ka likha hua ka naam hai "loafer" aur Anil kapoor aur juhi chawala par filmaaya gaya hai.. kuch aise ( Gbf closes his eyes and covers his one ear with his palm and raises his other hand to start an alaap) "Saa ni dha pa dha pa ga ma re...ummm Towellll me baahar jaaogi to hallla mach jaayegaaaaa....dhing dhing chi dhick..."

Anu malik : bas!! (he turns to javed saab) jaaved ji iss ladke me kaafi potential hai..saare sur isne pakad liye hai..

Gbf : (he giggles) Sir towel bhi pakad li hai..

javed ji : Jiss muflisee se tumne iss nazm ko izzat bakshi hai, tamaam naazneen tumhara istekbaal karegi..

Gbf : Sir english nahee aati..thoda hindi me boliye naa

Javed ji : Naamuraad tujhe itna bhi nahee ilm nahee..

Alisha : At least he sung well!! mujhe bhi samajh nahee aaya..mujhe laga khaasi aayee hai javed ji ko lekin ye to urdu bol rahe the.

Udit narayan : *smiles*

javed saab : Meri taraf se to naa hai.. (he is annoyed)

Alisha : waise mujhe bhi nahee lagta ki ye bombay aa sakta hai....

Anu malik : Mai chahta hu ye ladka mumbai aaye....tara rum pum pum , iss ladke me hai dum. udit tum batao tum kya sochte ho...bataaaao..

Udit narayan : *smiles*

GBF : Oye Nepali idol jaldi faisala kar...

Udit narayan : *smiles*

javed : ye kya bataayega ye to *beeeppa* hai..

Phir to maar peet ho gayee. GBf made merry and came back. Aaj ke episode me waapas bheja hai usko. Taap secret hai. shhhh!! :P


71 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger siby said...

"Chupchaap gaana kaise gaate hain?" :)
Udit Narayan ka bhi mast nakal kiya hai
arey u should have mentioned about that crazy fan of Alisha Chinai.
sahi hai bhidu, Too good.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ailaa..kya ultimate likha hai re!!!

"Beta apne baap se pooch ke aana ki chupchaap gaana kaise gaate hai"
Mastt..and mashallah!kya gaana select kiya hai :D ..mazaa aa gaya :P!
Javed ji ki khansi .. hehehahaha ...itna gehra observation..too gud hai! :D

Kuch bhi ho,apna agla indian idol to gbf reporter ich hai![:d]


3:08 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

'kar-lo-duniya-mutthi-me' type mother.
was d only thing dat made me louff!
ab to ye halaat hain ki na idhol dekh k hasi aati hai na uske baare mein sunke:P

7:57 PM  
Blogger shaaaaaaam said...

hahah...awesme post yaar...laff riot...keep 'em coming!!

11:34 PM  
Blogger The Indian Frog said...


hans hans ke lot pot ho gaya.. ye gana kaun se koode-daan se nikala hai.. by god saare surr pakad liye isne ..

GBF reporter, cool guy.. he mus b the next I-DHOL (bhutanese)..

12:53 AM  
Blogger DumBum said...

"kar lo duniya mutthi mein type mother"... "beta apne baap se pooch ke aana ki chupchaap gaana kaise gaate hai"... lolz!!! v funny!!!

next indion idol... gbf reporter 4 sure...

8:27 AM  
Blogger Shubhankar said...

hahahahaha...udit narayan ke *smiles*, anu's "chupchaap gaa re" & javed akhtar's urdu are the highlights in this hilarious post..!!!
Great job...just reminds me..I did indeed watch one episode of Indian Idol - albeit a repeat - a famous one where a guy abs shocked the world with his grotesque performance(?!) of Jhalak Dikhlaja :D

1:58 PM  
Blogger Anshul Agrawal said...

mast likha hai re...

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Blogger Dust Unsettled said...

real good one dude... keep up the spirit and ur keyboard too - 100th post too coming soon :)

12:54 PM  
Blogger Thisisme said...

heheheh..mast hai :)) keep it up..sahi likhte ho :)

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