Saale TV kyu phoda!!- UPDATE

The breaking news is that a young gaaon ki gori(?) named Sri Devi err Lanka was brutally raped last night near the ba(r)ba Dosa stall. (When the wiry mallu dosa-stall owner was interrogated, the investigation team could only make out three words out of his testimony. The words being "vaan-go, ukkar-ungo and paw-ngo" thanks to the bingo ad.)

There were some signs of resistance from the victim but eventually was of no avail to the might of the rapist. The police have recovered some empty cans of Foster's beer from the spot. This is the 10th such act in the space of 2 months. Allaah bachaaye ab to!!

Yess!! Bhaailogs and bhenjeez, Lets taak about cricket this time. (Arey cricket nahee jaante...arey wahee game yaar ..yaad karo..the game which we used to play in our bachpan on our terrace on Sunday afternoons. And when some Hayden ki aulaad among us used to hit the ball down the building, we used to coax some pot-bellied blole-bhaale uncle downstairs with a "Uncle ji!! Ball de do pleeeeeez.."

After roughly some 17 attempts later the uncleji would eventually manage to succeed in his efforts. We little kids would cling on to the railings and cheer him up to throw higher n higher and when the ball did reach us, a big "thank yuu uncle!!!!!!!" followed with the uncle stroking his godrej-dyed hair in a self congratulatory style. Gone are those 'nappy me bhi happy' days.....*sob* Senti ho gaya maamu mai to )

Now let’s talk some history here. Long ago a tribe flourished of those who religiously followed the game of cr.ick.et (pronounced kri-Ket). They could have been categorized in to different groups. Have a look:-

1) Manjarekar and Shashtri ka paseena- the paidaaishi pitch reporter :-

In a group of people glued to a TV-set watching a cricket match there has to be a know-it-all expert or may be two. The enlightened fellow has all the statistics recorded in his 1.5 litre bheja which starts leaking the moment the pitch report is flashed on screen. He would look at the grass on the pitch and say

"I think 37th over se reverse swing hogi ball...78% moisture hai so no doubt!!" and you think "Arey yaar ghar se danda nahee laaya??".

He relishes the commercial break between overs and fall of wickets where he goes about his gyan on how the high backlift aids in fluent stroke making. You wish to lock him up in a room alone with a TV showing re-runs of Duleep trophy matches all day. Aise maamu Duckworth-lewis se tution padhne jaate hai.

2) Achaa aaj India ka match hai kya?? kiske saath.. reply : *chataaak* one tight slap!!

"Abey chintukle!! itta bhi nahee pata , saale ko mai calendar par din kaat raha hu pichle 10 din se iss match ke liye..aur tu ye puch raha hai." . ahem!! These are the luckiest people on earth. They don't follow cricket much and swear to watch only indo-pak encounters that too in a world cup. Achaa hai yaar jab susu hi nahee karta hai to haath dhone ka jhanjhat bhi nahee hai. I mean to say even if India loses they are indifferent, and it doesn't affect them. But at times when the Indian team is on a roll and is magically winning most of their matches the 'chaanta' is an apt reply for such questions.

3) Agarbatti jalaao - pataakha phodo type :-

The ardent religious fan who jalaaos agarbattis praying for India to win its match against Bermuda and the likes. The fan who has all the walls of his room covered with posters of Manoj prabhakar and Azharuddin. He cries when India loses and phodo-fies pataakhas (which he has scavenged for in the post-Diwali kooda) when the team wins. This is the gandhigiri following supporter who sadly returns to his home from the stadium with a lump in his throat when the team is thrashed by the opposition. His Bisleri bottle is with him and the un-burnt placards are rolled under his armpit. He surely is a non-violent creature as harmless as a crippled caterpillar.

4) Tv phodo - putla jalaao type :-

A Paan dukaan where some people have huddled up to watch the last few overs of a Ind-Aus match:-

TV commentary: "...and he has bowled him. Sachin had absolutely no clue... What a delivery tat was....and the Australians are ecstatic..*shatterrrr*

Paan waala : "Abey TERII!!! TV KYU PHODA BE!!

The culprit : "Gussa aa gaya yaar..aise tv ka kya faayeda jisme India match hi naa jeet paaye..!! "

P.W (grabs him by the collar) : Saale tere faayede ki maa ki...

Hmm this is the most violent lot of all the cricket viewers. When they get a chance to watch it in a stadium they carry bori bhar ke deflated bisleri bottles to decorate the outfield after the match. The bottles are often aimed at the kurkure-fingered fielders. And the next day they burn the effigy of even the physiotherapist, players ko to chhod de.

5) Cricinfo ke sipaahi- Boss ke bandar ( i belong to this category)

This is the white collar junta. The cricinfo page sits minimized in hidden taskbars on their affice ka desktop. Even a faint badboo of the boss/TL/PM instigates them to uninstall gtalk and messenger at the same time. And ask them "Solitaire kya hota hai" reply comes : "JK tyre ki mehnat". Bade bhole bhaale log hai hum!! ;)

bhott ho gayee kirkit ki baate chal ab plate khareed..fokut me poori dukaan sootega kya!! >:)