Google

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Adaalat ki kaaryawahi shuru ki jaaye..-VII


Scene no.-...(err...number bhool gaya....ki farak painda!!)

A wide angle shot of an adaalat filled khachakhach with full blooded audience including bechaare baauji and the chronically ill 'maaji' jinhe dawa ki nahee sirf duaa ki jarurat hai.( Is Mr. Vinod dua reading this??) is flashed on screen. Vicky's father MLA ranjeet singh (sadashiv amrapurkar) is accompanied by the ever grinning and crooked, Singhaniya.the bizzneshman (tinu anand).

A wicked smile is playing on their lips and why not , as they have hired the top criminal lawyer in the city to defend his son's case. Jisne aaj tak ek bhi case nahee haara hai. Amreesh puri is no more. So give way for Saeed jaffrey ,who has words like "mere muvakkil" and "saare ilzamaat bebuniyaad hai" at the tip of his tongue. The champion of courtroom slang , is sure to win this one as well.

On the other side we have the local gudri ka laal , jisne abhi wakaalat ki padhaai pass ki hai, the shanti nagar boy Saleem ( Kumar gaurav) fighting for doing insaaf to the beti of shanti nagar.( oops it isn't shanty nagar)

*Ahem* the judge arrives and everybody rises as a token of respect. The judge who looks like a lost brother of Saroj khan , speaks words which carry considerable 'weight'. He sure does command respect at least among the two malnourished guys wrapped in red, standing either side of his chair. These two guys look as clueless as a tamillian anna or a mallu chetta reading this blog.

"Adaalat ki Karrrwaahi shuru ki jaaye" the Beachball-bellied judge announces.

Saeed jaffrey springs into action:

"Melorddd!! Aaj Ek begunah par aise ghinaune ilzamaat lagaaye gaye hai ki jise sun ke Rakhi sawant bhi sharma kar burka pehen le"

"Objection Melorddddd!! Rakhi sawant ka naam lekar mere kaabil dost adaalat ko gumraah karne ki koshish kar rahe hai" saleem screams.

"Objecshann Overrrulllled...!!!!" Roars the Enraged judge and nearly throws his gavel to hit saleem. The innocent soul saleem swallows a lump and takes his seat instantly.

And in an ultra mellow and sweet voice the melordd asks "..haa to Mr. jaffrey aap rakhi sawant ke baare me kuch bata rahe the..!!"

The attendant standing on the left side of the judge saab is seen smiling sheepishly.

"Melordd!! ye sawaal aap uss naalayak blogger se poochiye jisne ye waahiyaat post likha hai..!!! Mika aur rakhi ke bheege honth abhi bhi ek doosre se 15 saal door hai" says jaffrey as he throws his arms in disgust .

Judge saab realizes his folly and announces

"Chasmadeed gawaaho ko pesh kiya jaaye!!"

Mr Singhaniya(tinu anand) whispers to Ranjeet singh "..Kaash mai bhi iss rape ka ek chashmdeed gawaah hota...maashaallah maza aa jaata..*sigh* "..
Ranjeet singh sniggers at the idea.

Saleem (kumar gaurav) says "Judge saab mera pehla gawaah wo shaksiyat hai jisne shanti nagar ko aman chain ke dhaage me baadh ke rakha hai...Ladies and gentlemen put your hands together and..plzz welcome.. the hot and spicy..the man himself..Aslammmmm chachaa!!! "

Now the right waala attendant smiles at the introduction.

Judge saab barks " Mr. Saleeeeem!! lagta hai aap adaalat ke kaayde kaanun bhool gaye hai . Ye adaalat hai KBC-3 nahee , yaha sirf mushkil urdu lafz hi bole jaate hai.."

Saleem gets the hint and proceeds with his questioning. After some 10 minutes of exchanging urdu words as thick as the neck of bappi lahiri , aslam chacha rushes for his namaaz. The repartee included 6 1/2 "laahaul vilaa kuwat"s is a point worth noting.

(Ab yaar kitne dialogue likhu yaar!! culti maar raha hu)

Saeed jaffrey : "Melordd!! ab mai ek aise gawaah ko pesh karne jaa raha hu jisse iss case kaa rukh palat jaayega aur ye saabit ho jaayega ki mere muvakkil vikky singh bilkul begunaah hai"

The people in the courtroom start talking in hushed tones as the surprise package is yet to be unwrapped. Half of the people discuss Ukraine’s budget-91 and the other half are busy mentally simulating the rape sequence and mouthing their feelings ( read : aaahs and ooohs) at the precise moments.

As the noise grows judge saab finally gets a chance to speak those immortal words "Order!! Order!!"...

And then the ultimate gawaah arrives. Vijay and his parents are gasping...

iss adaalat ko ye blogger agle chaar dino ke liye multavi karta hai...samjhe chadda saab :)

Labels:

8 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Anonymous Anonymous said...

shonu at his best!!

11:56 PM  
Blogger Penguin said...

nice one again..lagta hai u have become full time blogger..good for ur readers like me

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Thisisme said...

hahhaa...i could actually picture those characters in my mind..typical hindi fillum ishtyle mein :)) :))

great post!!

6:03 PM  
Anonymous taks said...

"These two guys look as clueless as a tamillian anna or a mallu chetta reading this blog - the Garam Bheja-Fry eating Mallu Chettans take isstrong objekshun to such waahiyaat statements by the blogger :-) ... which wrongly portray the Mallus as Hindi-Hating Hotch-potchers ! eent ka jawab eent, aur iss blog-post ka jawab hum telephone-line-post se denge.
Baaki ... I enjoyed the adalat, its language and was happy to see the esteemed presence of Saaed Jaffrey & Kumar Gaurav in the adalat. felt like watching an old movie on vcr

12:53 AM  
Blogger Adarsh said...

meelaaarrrddddd .... Adalat ki car-Y jaldi kariye ... nahin to rakhi ji shaadi kar daalengi.... :D

12:20 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# anon

gracias!!

# penguin

paapi pet ka sawaal hai...blogger.com salary nahee deta..aur aap jaise readers bhi free me padhte hai to kaise banu mai full time, melorddd!!!

# this is me

thangew!! abhi case khatam nahee huaa hai..kyuki adaalat saboot maangti hai...chadda saab!!

# taks

OOoooops!!! taks saab!! ye ghinauna ilzaam lagaane se pehle soch liya hota!! ab aapse mulakaat adaalat me hi hogi!! btw 1 of my best friends is a true blooded mallu :)

# adarsh

adalat ki car-y aur cycle-y sab chalegi...bas rakhi ko pakad ke rakhna..pakde rehna chhodna nahee...

7:22 PM  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

suspense as thick as ekta kapoors serial- who is this gawah!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Shubhankar said...

kya ultimate courtroom lingo hai maamu...hats off..!!![:P]

& yes...I wish ki mein bhi rape-scene ka chasmadeed gawah hota..!![:P]

10:41 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home