Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The making of a perfect nineties' movie - II

Scene 2:

The next setting is at the college canteen where ' hero and uske dost' are busy dissecting the finer details of the "maghroor lekin haseen" girl's anatomy. The whole pack has bunked the economics class citing the reason as "Economics is for Sardarjis" (then Finance minister Manmohan singh).

Vijay takes a sip from the gold-spot bottle and sighs-

"Aaahhhh!! Upar waale ne bade fursat se banaaya hai iss cheez ko..Yaar iss haseena ne mera dil chura liyaa !!"

The whole bunch sighs in melancholic unison.

Then one of the sidies speaks up one of the few dialogue lines allotted to him..

" Vijay usey tu apne dil kaa haal bata de !! yaar Doordarshan kaa chitrahaar aur Sacche pyaar ke izehaar ko kabhi miss nahee karna chahiye"

Everybody shifts on their feet and shouts in chorus “Haaan Haaan".

Then out of nowhere the canteen owner jumps in to share the screen with the hero. The owner (Tiku talsania) pleads

"Tu mere paise kab lautaayega Vijay..tere udhaaro ki list tere baalo ki tarah lambi hoti jaa rahi hai"

Then what followed was as unpredictable as rabri devi dancing to "Hips don't lie".
The owner has been 'taken for a ride' and the group has just come out of the canteen after devouring on free Samosas and limca.

Now someone hands a ‘laal gulaab’ to our hero to present it to Tina (Raveena tandon). Vijay is wearing a pretty oversized shirt with floral prints and with his collars up, he approaches towards her. After pumping enough air in Vijay the sidies sit back to enjoy the show. Super slow motion camera at work.

The heroine is coming from the opposite direction keeping two random notebooks pressed against her breasts. She's accompanied by her 'sahelis' who giggle at the drop of a hat. And anybody can bet a million dollars they are not discussing Israel's nuclear policy.

Our hero with a spring in his step and a gleam in his eyes, draws close to the damsel. They confront each other. The giggles subside. The wind is dead. The classes halt.
The moment has come.

They look in each other's eyes. Hero turns around once to look at his friends who give thumbs up to him. He draws the "laal gulaab" from under his sleeve in a magical act and says in his baritone voice.

"Tinaaaahh !! I LOVE youuu!!"

"Youuhhh!! Tumhaaree himmat kaise huyee...." she raises her hand to slap him.

Vijay siezes her arm in mid air

"You Issshhtupid chhodo mera haaath...ahh ahhh!! " she cries in pain

Then our hero delivers the ultimate kick ass dialogue of the movie

"Ek baar jo pakdaa tera haath sanam,
chhodenge naa ise hum saato janam,
guroor hoga tumhe apne husn kaa,
par Jawaan hum bhi kam nahee, maa kasam"

(For this piece the dialogue writer has been awarded a bonus by the producer.)

Vijay throws her arm and then turns around. The sidies are overawed and they cackle at a distance. They are all gaga over him. And why not, he's the hero.

Then a tune begins to play in the background and the sidekicks assemble in a formation behind the hero's back. Kumar shanu at work. Anuradha paudwal has to wait for her chance till the hero actually pataaos the girl.

The sidekicks synchronize their steps with the hero. The pelvic thrust delivered by a group of students together is a proud moment for the Physical training teacher of the college. At least the students are religious to one subject.

In between the song one of the professors (Asrani) looks up from his glasses and gives a pervert smile to one of the female lecturers (Bindu). Madam sharmaa gayee. The students swear there is something fishy going on between them.
The hero tries to woo the girl throughout the song. But she's is not impressed instead she is furious.

"Ye ladka samajhta kyaa hai apne aap ko !! "

Then suddenly a piece of news breaks in. One of the sidies "the bespectacled fatso" is being beaten to pulp by Vicky’s (Mohneesh behl) gang in the common hostel bathroom.
The hero is courageous to the core. He rushes to the spot. Time for some Martial arts. :)

To be continued....


17 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Ragamuffin said...

"Ek baar jo pakdaa tera haath sanam,
chhodenge naa ise hum saato janam,
guroor hoga tumhe apne husn kaa,
par Jawaan hum bhi kam nahee, maa kasam"
di u write this by yourself??? too good yaar...
Rabri devi dancing to the tunes of "hips don't lie" ha ha..
I feel tere movie ka review likhna padega mujhe...waiting for the action scene..dhishoom!

5:25 PM  
Blogger shubhu said...

Masterpiece in the making... maa kasam!!! be continued..!!!

7:43 PM  
Blogger COALESCED said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:33 PM  
Blogger COALESCED said...

Yet another splendid job and u deserve a paean for this work of yours. The description is so vivid and exoteric that I felt a vicarious thrill inside while reading it. And u have talked so much of the movies of 90's that I wonder whether the topic is still capacious.
Keep up the good work.
Waiting for the next scene!!

8:35 PM  
Blogger NINJA said...

Awesome Man but last me " To be Continued " ne imagination pe break daal diya...

zara jaldo likho ...

9:27 PM  
Anonymous taks said...

" Vijay usey tu apne dil kaa haal bata de !! yaar Doordarshan kaa chitrahaar aur Sacche pyaar ke izehaar ko kabhi miss nahee karna chahiye ... wah wah.
You are the chosen One - story, screenplay & dialogue writer for the next venture from "Wah Wah Produkshuns".

Waiting for the next part !

12:20 AM  
Blogger dharmu said...

bheja fry bhai, too good! i wonder where you got the idea of putting it down but i must say, its awesome.

had a great time reading it. waiting for the next part.

4:32 AM  
Blogger Dolly said...

abe tere dimag me yahi sab chalta rehta ha kya? yehi sab bole to altu faltu ki dialog-bazi.. hehehehe

11:16 AM  
Blogger Kishley said...

abe tere dimag me yahi sab chalta rehta ha kya? yehi sab bole to altu faltu ki dialog-bazi.. hehehehe

11:17 AM  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

hey do a jhakas eighties- towards the end. incomplete without neelam/ govinda pair/ chunkey pandey and rishi kapoor with his lost & found memory/ girl friend/ wife..

11:23 AM  
Blogger Zee said...

2 scenes and no one has tried to rape the heroine yet??? yeh kaisi movie hai!


4:15 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# raga

yep!! buddy i wrote it..kavya vishwanathan se apna koi rishta nahee hai.:)..aur review likho phir mere ko bartaana..Ramuji ko bulaaunga!!

# shubhu

thanks buddy!! :D maa kasam!!

# coalesced

Vicarious thrillers deserve paeans.. :P thanks for your solicitous visit to this small abode of my inked imaginations..
And just when you try to derive anything conclusive.. i'll throw another surprise..:)

# ninja chacha

bas 1 din ruk jaa dude to be continued ko end kar dungaa!! :)

# taks

:) congrats buddy!! you are the chosen one for the lead role in the next wah wah production.. "Tak dhina dhin tak(s)" :P

thanx for the visit!!

# dharmu

thanx !! dharmu bahin.. Raveena tandon is the culprit..:( ..india kab aana hai..the land of chhoti choli and mast govinda!! :)

7:54 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# dolly, kishley

kumbh ke mele me bichhdee do judwaa behne..!! :(

aaltu faaltu dialogue apun public ko bore karne ke liye maarta hai :P


hi!! i was a toddler when the 80's era dawned...:( ..may be you can do it mam!! it will be a pleasure to read..:)

# zee

:O And i thought only boys waited for the rape scenes in the B grade movies.... arey hero ki behen kis liye hai...usko rakha hi rape karwaane ke liye hai.. hehe :)

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plz check for the link at my blog as against the blog I read.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Adarsh said...

Ekdum sahi jaa rahi hai movie.... hero ki Maa aur Behen ka role bhi aana chahiye.... bahut important hote hain nineties ki movies mein....

2:05 PM  
Blogger Zee said...

yes yes only u boys wait for such scenes lekin agar tum asli 90s ki movie bana rahe ho to this used to be the scene where the hero used to be the...err....hero and the heroine fell in loveee with him.... hehehehe

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Chaitanya said...

Bhaiya thoda late ho gaya padne me lekin der aaye durust aaye mujhe news he nahi milti aapke blogs ki aur mai sirf mail chk kar k dubak leta hun.kuch bhi ho koi jawaab nahin story ka.majaa aa gaya aapke dialogues original hote hue bhi ekdum match karte hain script se!! aapko pakka abi bi tamil movies me dialogue writer ki naukri mil sakti hai(basharte aap tamil seekh lo!!) roz likhunga ek comment!!!!

1:21 AM  

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