The Making of a perfect 90's movie

Scene 1:

The great ancient college, the Royal hatchery of all romantic adventures (be it among students or lewd professors), drama embedded with sad kumar shanu songs, skirmishes with a dash of karate and hockey sticks, dollops of deceit or "dhokhaa" courtesy "The Sadashiv amrapurkar-Tinu anand" school of thought and a 24x7 Canteen with brittle tables and chairs, this is what sums up a kick ass early nineties' movie.

The producers care a rat's fart for what will be the name of the college. And for the viewers the nomenclature is as important as the name of Mongolia’s election commissioner.
So here's the star cast (note the alternatives as well)

The college dude Apna hero, Vijay...( Ajay devgan/ Govinda)

The nakhre waali ladki, Tina ( Raveena tandon / Aayesha julka / Karishma kapoor)

The bad boy, at least 10 colg girls have fallen prey to his "zism ki bhookh", Vicky (Mohneesh behl / Aaditya pancholi)

Bad boy's papa, with more political "links" than a wikipedia page, MLA Ranjeet singh (Sadashiv Amrapurkar)

The shrewd Business man, the crafty hotelier and the jigree dost of ranjeet singh, Singhania
( Tinu Anand)

The never smiling man, the tense Papaji of the heroine, and also a Tinu anand’s employee, JeewanLaal (Kulbhushan Kharbanda)

Hero's khuddar papa, feel sorry for him he's crippled and unemployed Baauuji (Suresh Oberai)

And lot of other quintessential actors like, Mcmahon, Atul agnihotri, shakti kapoor, jagdeep, tiku talsania, Tom alter , Brownie etc also feature in the movie

The first frame of the movie is an aerial shot of the deemed college located somewhere in aamchi Mumbai. Vijay (ajay devgan) is one not so bright student of the colg. His mark sheet resembles Bhutan’s Olympics medals tally. But then geeks never have scored anything with the pretty girls of the college. The filmy history shows the geeks have been completing the notes for the damsels for ages to no avail, they get nothing but for a cheeky "Thanks ramesh !! mai tumhaara ehsaan nahee bulaa sakti " and then she rushes to the garden Coohie-cooing with the college hunk.

The basic minimum eligibility rules for a desi college hero of the 90’s:-

1) He should have at least 2 kg of hair mass over his head.
2) He should have at least 2 pairs of air tight jeans and "Action ke sports shoes".
3) He should be deep in debt to the college canteen.
4) He should have a "Dukhiyaaree maa" and an "unwed behen"(sister) (who will be raped/killed/maligned at a later time by the anti-hero elements.)

In addition to these he rears a battery of sidekicks consisting of failed actors, TV stars, and erstwhile child artists. These personnel give him company in the canteen, encourage him to woo the heroine, assemble at the back of the hero and synchronize their dancing steps with him at the drop of a hat every time a tune is played in the background. These guys come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and infest on the hero's canteen balance.

Now one fine day as these guys were idling around in the college corridor brooding over kimi kaatkar's sex appeal, Johny(a random sidekick) exclaimed

" Kasam paida karne waale ki kyaa item hai, abey yaaro wo dekho, hoor ki paree aa rahee hai….aaye haaye kyaa latke jhatke haii..*sighhh*"

Eye balls of every one in the group virtually pop out. The bespectacled fatso's thick lenses get frosted.

There she is the at the far end of the corridor briskly cat walking, our girl of the movie, the desi damsel 'causing' distress.
The camera is fixed at her posterior as she walks in slow motion. The students lining the corridor are gasping. She is wearing a black shimmering outfit, Needle sharp high heels and black translucent stockings. The amount of lipstick on her lips is sufficient to manufacture a pack of candles. And the ear rings are as large as handcuffs. Even the professors are readjusting their glasses to have a good look.

As she nears the esteemed pack vijay rolls up his sleeve, hand combs his hair and makes a shashi kapoor face and waits expectantly looking at her. The sidekicks are holding their breath.The moment has come.

She arrives and throws a glance at vijay.

"Huhhh!!" she curses loaded with a ton of snobbery.

Meet Tina ( Raveena tandon). A typical "maghroor" ladki as Vijay proclaims. There are limited words in her dictionary for boys. "You isshhtupid chhodo mera haath!!", "You bloody idiaattt", "Shut up Youuu". Ahh the perverts love that.

"Iss ladki kaa guroor todnaa padega!!" vows Vijay. The seed is planted. :)

Scene 2:

To be continued…..