Thursday, January 25, 2007

Jhel lo Yaaron...- IV

*As expected some dialogues may be offending..plz ignore them*

Now this scene has in store, for what 'Vicky and his friends' as well as ‘Me and my friends’ were waiting for. Front bench in the theater is where we have grown up. Balcony is a mandarin word for us.
Coming back to the scene, After tasting Vicky's "action ke joote kaa sole" umpteen times, Vicky the anti-hero has his "garam khoon" gushing through "all" his veins. (Should i type a semi colon and a right parentheses here??)..

With his pappaji as MLA Vicky can drive around in his open air jeep to de-chastise this world. He has nothing to lose, not even his virginity which he claims he lost before he lost his first tooth.

( Aage ki benches par baithne waale dosto se mera request hai ki iss poore post ko notepad me paste karke "Find" option me "Rape" word type karke search kare aur phir waha se padhna shuru kare)..

He was born with biker gloves on. He developed a taste for black leather underwears since an early age. When he was delivered into this world the first thing he did was hand-comb the few strands of hair he had on his skull. The doctor dint waste any time in declaring the results of "the genetic lottery". He was a boy and a bad boy at that.

When he was about two years old a newly wed Punjabi couple was invited to dinner at his place, pappaji was a Party worker that time. Vicky hadn't spoken his first words till that time.

The young punjabi aunty was living up to her name, her provocative and slinky attire attracted quite a few pervert glances from pappaji's part (sadashiv) as well.
Incidentally vicky was in deep sleep when the couple arrived. The Punju aunty expressed a wish to wake him up herself.

"khushi se" said the parents.

And then She bent over Vicky and in a sweet voice chirped

"Vicky baba uthh jaao!!".

Vicky woke up in a flash. He looked at aunty’s red pouting lips and then the naughty boy's gaze shifted to aunty's cleavage (which was showing off as she bent over). And he shouted..

"MAAA...." it was the first meaningful word from his mouth. Papaji and mummyji had their eyelashes soggy. It was a big moment. But surprisingly junior Vicky was pointing to the aunty and kept repeating the same word: - "Maaa..."

"No beta mai to aapki aunty huu...aapki maa to ye hai" again she chirped to no avail.

"Maaaa..." he kept pointing his finger towards her. The couple was caught off guard

And then he made sense when he corrected himself...

"Maaa....L" "Maaa..L" "MaaaL" . His father was overwhelmed. He couldn't agree more with his small son. I heard that the couple never visited their place since then.

(Arey tamatar mat maaro yaaro abhi likhna shuru karta hu kahaani !! )

A rape taking Shape..

Somehow Vicky finds out Vijay’s address. He and his clan (consists of curly haired gundaas with names like Tony, balwaa etc.) drive in an open air jeep to "Shanti nagar", where the hero's humble family resides.

The motto of the colony is "Jahaa aman chain basta hain". Not for long as The jeep is loaded with hockey sticks and cycle chains (the baddie group's arsenal). The jeep screeches to a halt just outside Vicky’s house. Vicky jumps out. The mohallawaalaas are suspicious. They have sniffed that "unki mohalle ki behen betiyo ki izzat-aabroo khatre me hai"..the semi naked kids cease running around and are searching desperately for their 'chaddeess' lest Vicky has some other ideas of fun....samajh rahe ho naa dost!!

Vicky announces "Abey tony!! maine suna hai ki Vijay ki behen jawaan ho gayee hai??"

The curly haired Tony retorts "Arey suna kyaa maine to dekhaa bhi hai..falo se ladaa ped hai bilkul..*cold sigh*"

"Achaa!! Haa waise bhi mere baap ne mujhe pedo par chadhna bachpan me hi sikhaaya tha!! Aaj iss ped ke fal bhi chakh lete hai !!"

And they barge in the house. Vijay is of course away. But Baauji (Suresh oberai) is there in the house. Maaji is bed-ridden due to a "laa-ilaaz" beemari. "jiske operation me bahut paise lagte hai ". The jawaan Beti is choking her lungs out in the chulha. As vicky enters the house. Bauuji on his baisaakhi stands between his beti and vicky.

"Kaun ho tum!! aur tumhaaree himmat kaise huyee ghar me ghusne kii"

A evil tune plays in the background

" Baau ji!! Pata hai naa!! Sapere ke saanp aur jawaan beti ke langde baap se koi khatra nahee hotaa..."

Bauuji is furious he flashes one of his baisaakhies (crutches) towards Vicky, in an attempt to dismantle his vital equipment which poses danger to his daughter's virginity. Vicky is alert he takes hold of the baisaakhi and snatches it from bauuji. He hits baauji on the head, and gives his daughter enough reason to scream her lungs out.

Now she is on the floor crying for help. Vicky has to deliver one more kick-ass dialogue before he gets down to business.

"Saali ,tere bhaai ne mujhe khujli waala kutta kaha tha naa, kutiya ab tu hi meri jism ki khujli mitaayegi"

He struggles with her. The front benchers are waiting with bated breath for some thing to pop out. They are examining each frame of the scene with acute concentration. They don't want to miss on any such frame which will lead to their disappointment when they come out of the theater and one of their friend comes up to them and says

"Arey yaar tune dekhaa nahee uss scene me jab vicky uss ladki ke saath jabardasti kar raha tha tab ek scene me...............shit!! yaar tune miss kar diya"

back to the scene..

"Mujhe chhod do!! aaah aah!!.......... bhagwaan ke liye mujhe chhod do....ahh!!" she wails

Vicky is adamant to enlist virgins in the endangered species list. After some 5 minutes or so Vicky rises and wipes his lips and chin. Job's done. Khujli mit gayee. The whole mohalla watches in horror as Vicky and gang leave the scene in their jeep.

Vijay's sis is in a state of shock. She locks herself up in a room. And what follows is as obvious as the outcome of Bhutan vs. Brazil soccer match.

She hangs herself.

Vijay is home by this time. He was waiting for her sis to hang herself..( Mai kyaa karoo yaar script me yahee hai). He knocks down the door. Vijay is shocked…And then he cries wrapping her arms around his sis..( it cost the producer few liters of glycerin)

The hero vows

"Behena!! Mai kasam khaata hu ki teri chitaa ki raakh thandee hone se pehle mai uss vicky kaa sar kaat ke tere paas le aaunga...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " ( Taliban guys are u listening!!??)

Aag hi aag!!! wait for more aag...agli baar 'burnol' lagaa ke padhna :)

To be continued...........


19 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You r the best.. it was as though I was watching the movie sitting in the theater..lage raho!!!!!!!

4:56 AM  
Blogger Ragamuffin said...

Maza aa gaya!!!
I am also one of those first benchers..:D
Too many double meaning dialogues...loved it.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Adarsh said...

haan ....ab aaya naa hero ko acche se GUSSAAAA!!!!!!!!
ab to vicky ki khair nahin....lekin abhi hero ke dost ka marnaa zaroori hai ..... :P

1:48 AM  
Blogger shubhu said...

i remember those 90s movie posters back at my place...
jald aa raha, romance aur action se bharpoor...
great going dost...make it a never ending saga of love, lust, betrayal, revenge...a magnum epic:P

10:55 AM  
Blogger Penguin said...

yuhu i am stronger than a dinosaur .. infact then most of the north indians are :).. .. it was quite cold this time..


7:27 PM  
Anonymous taks said...

Wah ... badhiya hai. Keep the story going, mate
And talking abt filmy posters - I remember this line on a poster for an English movie dubbed in Hindi -- "Hollywood ke 2 jaane mane Action stars, Jean Claude & Van Damme - dono ek saath ..." .. or something to that effect. Wow !

9:25 PM  
Blogger COALESCED said...

"No beta mai to aapki aunty huu...aapki maa to ye hai"

Ha ha ha!!!

Am wordless yet again!!!
Dude all I can say is that u r a genuine novel material!!!
Keep up the good work.

9:30 PM  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

ha ha . the going is great. waiting for the hero's revenge scene and heroine into the picture too this time?

1:18 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# anon

thanks :)..jhalak dikhla jaa pyaare!!

# raga

arey maine to triple meaning likhe the.. :(..arey tere saath me hi to mai bhi baithta hu..10 rs ka tkt zindabaad!!

# adarsh

Bade Zaalim ho yaar...:D bechaare ko kyu maar rahe ho...vijay ko kgp ka address du kyaa..!! :P

# shubhu

Thanks dude!! chal rahee hai story...epic banega pakka..:P

# penguin

Yup !! me too a northie.. i m a T- REX and my my friend is DU-REX.. :P

# Taks

hahaha!! thats was a gud one!!..achaa huaa telugu movies dub nahee hoti jyaada warna pata nahee kitne heroes hote ..:P

# colaesced

sab aapki duaa se hogaa maalik!! waise iss post ki wajah se...bahut saare log google par punjaabi aunty khojte yaha aa jaate hai..!! :D

# itchingtowrite

Thanks !! aapki icchaa bhi poori ho post meheroin aagayee..:D

10:21 PM  
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