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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Star (Vjay) Wars- the revenge of the si(x)th

*This is the sixth part in a series of posts about "The making of a perfect 90's movie"..baaki 5 post padhne ke liye apne laptop ke touchpad ki kone ki dhool saaf kare..matlab scroll kare.. :P..
kyaa kaha?? laptop nahee hai..ohh tch tch!! mere paas bhi nahee hai hehe!! pehle post ki link*

Vijay and Aslam chacha (much like the deadly combine of the core 3 duo* powered Chacha chaudhry and the giant gay-ish Sabu ) are waiting in the taxi for the jam to clear up. Some newspaper boys run amok through the maze created by the waiting vehicles.

"Aaj ki taaja khabar !! Aaj ki taaja khabar!! Shilpa shetty ki pehli film FLOP !!"

One of the kids comes over to the taxi no. 9211 in which Vijay and chacha are sitting with their fists clenched. The kid stands near the taxi window, the side where Vijay is sitting. Vijay stares in the eyes of the kiddo. He searches his oh-so-disturbed childhood in the hawker's pale eyes. Thankfully no flashback is played. The kid is waiting patiently for Vijay to unearth some chhutta paisa from his tight jeans pocket. But the wait is of no avail. So he thinks otherwise.

"Kyaa saab 'Wo' waala 'maal' dikhaau kyaa !!"

Aslam chacha shoos away the kid before he actually shuffles his bundle and spreads all the illustrious titles like a pack of cards. ( some of which he himself has authored).Try finding titles like "Bivi DD, Saali Sony" or "Pati dravid, devar dhoni" at Amazon.

Next scene :

Vijay and chacha are at the police thana waiting for the "Inspector saab" to file an FIR. Inspector saab, who is armed with a sarkari danda is inside the lock up playing dandiya with the bones of an emaciated and malnourished guy. The bekasoor lad’s legs have been tied to the ceiling.

"Bol tune hi Mrs singhaniya kaa khoon kiyaa hai... Bol !! " Inspector saab roars and splashes a glass of water on the guys face.

"Nahee saab!! mai bekasoor hoo..mai bhagwaan ki kasam khaa ke kehta hu ki......"

"Chaupp!! Saale tu ab bhagwaan ki kasam khaake kuchh nahee kahega..ab tu jo bhi kahega mera danda khaake kahega.."
Then in a 'sivamani' feat he goes ballistic over the poor soul's ribs, weilding his baton. (kya poocha?? sivamani kaun hai!! arey drum bajaata hai yaar!!)..

" Haaaaa saab maine hi Mrs Singhaniya ko maara hai...arey mrs singhaniya kyaa uske dada-pardada, pati, aashiq, paperwaala-doodhwaala, driver-kaamwaali bai sabko maine hi maara hai...aur unme se kuchh kaa rape bhi kiyaa hai.. mujhe mat maaro maai-baap" he wails.

A visibly exhausted but satisfied inspector comes out of the lockup and confronts V n C.

Vijay : "Inspector saab !! mai aaj report likhaane aaya hu apni badnaseebi ki...Mujhe uss vicky ke baare me koi report nahee darz karaani, kyuki uss kutte ki maut kaa faisla mai pehle hi sunaa chuka hu."

Inspector : "Sunny deol ki filme dekh dekh kar har launda yahee sochta hai ki wo duniya bhar ke kutto ka khoon pee jaayega..bacche ye asal zindagi hai..yaha koi bhi kaam bina baap se pooche nahee karte. Aur tumhaara baap, tumhaare saamne baitha hai"

Vijay raises from the chair in a fit of rage.

"Aslam chachaaaaaa!! Virendar sehwaag aur Police vibhaag kisi kaam ke nahee reh gaye hai...Vijay ye ladaai akela hi ladega ..." And he storms out of the scene

Aslam chacha's eyes are fixed on the sweat and blood drenched baton. He tries to avoid any such circumstances which will lead to a solicitous meeting of inspector saab's danda with his flabby posterior. So he says

"Inspector saab ..Muaaf kijiyega..abhi bachhaa hai..garam khoon hai baad me samajh jaayega.. isey Sourav ganguly samajh ke maaf kar dijiye"

" Samjha dena isko..warna agli baar mere saamne aisee baat ki to 'chappell' se maarunga iss badtameez ko!! "

Aslam chacha is a bit apprehensive about the merits of keeping Vijay Company any further. Aur waise bhi unke namaaz ka time ho gaya. Aslam chacha culti.

Aur apun bhi culti. Hope vijay ko chappel se maar nahee pade... :)

II B conti 'nude'....

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6 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Anonymous taks said...

LOL ... suuuuper ! wah wah ... mazaa aa raha hai ! Lage Raho Aby-Bhai !!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Neers said...

gawd!! yummazzzing hai! aur thank you!!

4:11 PM  
Blogger Abhi said...

HaHa !! Bhai office mein baith kar tera blog pad raha hoon aur hans raha hoon jabki sales khatarnaak down hain . isse kehte hai behaya employee !:p

1:31 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# taks

:)...sahee hai phir to aur likhungaa...log paagal ho gaye padh ke ye series...draupadi ki saaree jaisee ho gayee ye series... :D

# neers

Thank u jee!!

# abhi

Welcum hai jee!! yaha bhi wahee haal hai...final year project ki submission date pass hai...aur baith ke vijay teena ki kahaani likh raha hu..isey kehte hai nihaayat hi behaya student!! :P

3:26 PM  
Blogger jagjit said...

arey ek dum mast tha...

11:21 PM  
Blogger shibbu said...

Its me ..da only dude in blog...are yaar shoyeb ...LOL.

nice work man ....1st time i thnk he allowd othrz to read his STORIES... COZ MOST OF DA TIME HE READS ..

BUT SERIOUSLTY G8 WORK ....

KEEP IT UP..N XNT TIME ASK PICS FROM ME ..HE HE HE

12:29 PM  

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