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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Calm-sutra!

Starting with an absolute cliché' which goes like- I am back. And guess what was the reason for my absence - IPL - yeah you guessed it right - "Inevitable perennial Laziness".

My life nowadays is as calm as the calm (kaam) waali baai who hasn't been paid for the last 2 months. Yeah it has been chaotic. Just the other day when I put up a status msg on gtalk which read like "Everybody is gonna die with their orkut passwords!!". Ek jarurat se jyada bichhda hua dost pinged me and said "bhaai tu ek post likh de ab!!. Tera frustration door ho jaayega" and so here I am ranting like any other "work-life" balance ke maare bhaailog. Work is as hectic as looking for antonyms of the word 'hectic'. But then as always I adhere to the mantra (calm-sutra) given to me by the visionary ascetic, Baba ramdev masala! :- "Chill maar watsa!!". And since then aisee pratha chali aa rahee hai.

After a day's work when I step inside my room, mera roomie (another techie & sardar) gets ecstatic and says "Oye paappe! aaj to Sehwag bangalore ki M** ***** raha hai. * insert cackle*".

The noise inside the room is like, as if 6 punju aunties discussing jewelry and their in laws inside a Maruti 800 and you are the driver. (Reader: Oye 6 punju auntiyo ko maruti me ghusa diya to tu kahaan baithega?? )

Arey miya hum koi anti kirket sangathan ke sadasya/member nahee hai, phir bhi yaar roz roz wahee chauke and chhakke and kuch chakke(banaglore waale? :p). Ab to cheerleaders ko bhi kapde pehna diye. hadd ho gayee!

And yeah I confess I went for the inaugural match at the Chinnaswamy stadium here in bangalore. haan munna asli isshtadium me!!. All of us were really pumped up. I had called my duur ke jaunpur waale chacha and kanpur ki mausi too as to "TV pe dekhte rehna , palak bhi jhapakne naa paaye, aaj hum TV me aayenge". I had enuf arsenal to lure the camerawaalahs into grabbing a shot or two. The match was between KKR and the Royal challengers.

We were supporting our namma Bangalooru team, but eventually our loyalities/gaze/binoculars shifted to the real leaders (lead india campaign kyu nahee khoj paya inhe!), yep the cheer-leaders.

I had prepared banners which read like :-

1) Pack 'em Knight Riders to their 'Home shanty Home'.

2) His name is Royal Dravid.

3) Its a no fly-zone over the stadium when dada is playin', coz he might knock down a few.

4) Commit all your crimes while Dravid is batting, coz even the god has slept waiting for him to score. {Haan bhai ye wala banner nahee le gaya tha, Ikbaaliya zurm}

5) Thank you Set Max :D. {Achook ilaaz TV pe naa aane ki bimaari ka}

6) Ask the cheerleaders "kya aap paanchvi pass se tez hai?"

Yeah as you can see, I had banners for all the possible outcomes. But still my 15 nanoseconds of fame on the idiot box never materialized, thanks to Brendon McCullum and his 13 sixes and the other 11. (phir se wahee joke maara).

Kuch snippets of news (aise hi post ko lamba karne ke liye *hew hew*) :- (GBF reporter is on a vacation)

1) As you know Salman is hosting a show named "10 ka dum" where he promises to pay 10 crores for answering 5 questions, where every question will be based on some random "PyerSentayhge" (Shirt utaari, ab accent ki utaarunga). When you see the promos of the show which are on air, you wish the director to be lynched by a Bihari mob.

2) Ness wadia, the co-owner of the Punjab Kings XI was reportedly happy when his team was mauled by the Mumbai Indians, as none of the players got a chance to get cozy with his fiancée, when on a day they post a victory, even the curator of the pitch makes it a point not to disappoint Preity and let her clasp him tight.

3) Harbhajan Singh, the slappy-happy sardar, has been denied entry into the "Gelf" countries, for obvious reasons.

4) The reported absence of VVS Laxman and the Previous laxman (Laxman Sivaramakrishnan :- the pitch reporter) from IPL is bothering nobody, may be coz I have written it here you would realize the fact.
4.1) The pre match analysis is nowadays hosted by the kind of boys you find in a toothpaste commercial, desperately trying not to look dumb on camera.
4.2) During the post match presentation ceremony most of the Indian/Pakistani players use the age old adage often uttered by the legendary Mohammad bin azharuddin, "baayez(boys) have played well !!"

chalo dudes and dudiyaas! it's time to say buy buy! And do remember the calm-sutra or the formula to remain calm: - “Chill maar watsa”.

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20 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger gunj said...

aftr a laawng taaim....genuinely phunny!! :P

9:37 PM  
Blogger Shashank said...

thats what i call a 'sexy' post....:)

10:21 PM  
Blogger The Indian Frog said...

okies dokies..
banners and taglines were gud enuf !!

12:09 AM  
Blogger Koi Bhi Purana 21inch ka TV said...

hw do u manage calming up with such brilliant stuffs yaar....kasam uss zaroorat se jyada bichde huye dost ki......all 3 north of my comment are absolutely true....u r a genius....

1:02 AM  
Blogger Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

"Inevitable perennial Laziness" and "Intensive Padhaai Likhaai" for CAT.

aap bhi billi ke peeche pare ho? and cant tell you how good it was to read this. but now my eyes are watering from all the laughing...

10:12 AM  
Blogger Kaushik Choudhary said...

I was attracted to the title! Couldn't find enough spice to justify the title (at least from the syllabic point of view!) :p

Nice one to break the silence though.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Anilz said...

Jo bhi tha ... accha tha :):P. Tumne sab bhailog ko nirash kiya hai. Title kuch, aur content kuch aur. Not fair :P. Me following IPL as closely as ness wadia following priety :P. Kya bole bhai, Hum hyderabadiyon ki izzat ganga mein milaya hai iss 'laxman ki sena' ne. Hopefully we'll turn the tables, next time around. An eternal optimist :).

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hehhe..nice title!! It reminded me of katrina kaif's 'aamsutra' advertisement..slice or maaza...watever :P !!!

And unfortunately! Im not a cricket fan :/..ive been reading,watching and listening about cricket since weeks and watching jannat was sone pe suhaaga! :P

Chal u njoy! Nd wall the byest faar CAT!


-Deepa!!

10:50 PM  
Blogger phatichar said...

meri yahi 'calm'na hai ke tum aise his phunny phunny post likh!! Good to c ya back, mere bhai.. :-)

12:12 PM  
Blogger brocasarea said...

hmm....pretty hectic!!..nice one liners there:)....nice blog!!!

2:05 PM  
Blogger Fighter Jet said...

It was really fun reading this post.As usual!

5:25 PM  
Blogger Vandita said...

only wish u wrote more often... miss ur posts a lot
*smiles* and LOL (loadsa em)

11:34 PM  
Blogger Kaala Kavva said...

hahaha
mast hai ekdum
esp 10 ka dum

10:46 AM  
Blogger Revathi said...

//Shirt utaari, ab accent ki utaarunga

Sheeeesh!! how do u think of things like this???
ha ha ha ha!! hilarious. mazaaa aa gaya!!
do write more often and good luck for billi!! :)

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Marvin said...

this is just to say i was here

12:52 AM  
Blogger Sam said...

arre bhai arso baad nazar aaye!! sab kushal mangal to hai na???

1:41 AM  
Blogger Vandita said...

Mann aka Bubbles' new post
she asked me to drop the link to everyone on her blogroll

10:02 AM  
Blogger Homer said...

chanced upon your blog through some blogroll maze and sure time spent on idle surfing was worth it.. got to ur blog and liked it soo much..

Garm Bheja Calm sutra ko follow karta hai.. funny and interesting!!

Nice hilarious banner ideas!!

6:43 PM  
Blogger Venkat Poosapati said...

Dood deez izz simply awesum!!!!!!!!!!!

2:40 AM  
Blogger Mads said...

lol :P (except the rahul dravid jokes. grrrump at that)
funny post che \:D/ :D :P lucky u went to the inaugral match :D

2:28 PM  

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