Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Face-bhookh - A letter

Hi vicky_underscore_coolest_hunk ,

Howdy? As per your request I am sending some quality tested Javascripts to unlock orkut albums and scrapbooks, and a fraandship-scrapper-engine which processes 500 female orkut profiles in a second. Phew! Tough isn't it. Damn these anti-social networking sites..

I feel, it is time, I should tell you, the good 'ol early millennium formula - scrap-add-friend-chat-meet-kiss doesn't bear fruits these days on orkut, my friend. All of the single and looking as well as the single looking variety have fled to a new playground christened as the "Facebook." It’s a hip place they say, coz it’s hot in Amreeka, period.

They happily poke each other (they don't mention which part of the body.Damn!), they paint each others' walls, they buy/sell/recruit each other irrespective of the market condition , they compare each other('s) and even send cold drinks.

Confused ?? Well I'll decode the jargon for you.

1. News feed: - You'll have this feeling that you have seen this word before somewhere. Surely my friend, On the top right hand corner of your homepage (, you would have seen that saffron colored rectangle with "RSS feed" written under it. That’s for receiving news as they happen. And all this time you thought it was a charity banner urging you to "Feed the poor RSS(Rashtriya svayamsevak sangh) workers" and you were quite justified in your assumption as it is indeed saffron in color.

Actually at Facebook this particular feature enables you to monitor what all your friends have been up to, but be really careful as it accurately reports not just you deeds but the misdeeds as well. Just the other day the whole Khandan of Raju came to know that "Raju is bargaining for 4 DVDs of chinese porn at the Burma market".

Raju is in his final semester of Btech.On the Last day of the semester after submitting the final year project and enduring the viva shit, raju breathed a sigh of relief. And the following evening he fished out a DVD from his bag and stuffed it in his player, to his horror Raju saw project slides flashing over his TV screen.

We saw the news feed instantly "Raju has fainted". Rajus of this world seem to be doomed. As you can see, double edged sword is this feed thingy.

2. Photo Tagging : It is one more of those cool features this networking site boasts off, here you can tag the names of your friends on your photos(without their prior permission), just as one of my friends tagged the name of his ex-girlfrnd in a pic, the girlfrnd cheerfully tagged back!

Then I heard that some pea brained Pakistani security advisor named Durrani tweaked something in his private album and was fired for what he did, see if you can figure out, I dunno what's wrong with this pic.

3. Writing on the wall :- Scrapbook becomes a wall here. Writing on a wall especially on the toilet walls of an engineering college, has always been a mentally stimulating job. The good 'ol "Aapka bhavishya aapke haantho me hai" , the evergreen "haanth pant me naa pocche". still lingers. Remember the time when your Engineering maths wala master flunked you in the internals, you quietly went to the toilet and undersigned at the space where hundreds of other students had signed below the transcript where the sister and mother of that master were well decorated.

Here you have to be a friend of someone before you can extend your fraandship msg on their walls, paradoxical isn't it.

4. Events :- Just the other day I saw one of my juniors flashing this one :-

"Sandy plans to attend college on the next Tuesday - rsvp to this event".

So you can intimate people around you about any special event you are attending/gatecrashing.

5. Quizzes and games: - People challenge each other at different quizzes for example

"Which Mumbai-26/11 terrorist are you??” (You can be one among ten different terrorists)

"Which Aaj tak/india tv news reporter are you??" (Mind you, this is deadlier), and lots more.

Above all, you can still exercise your cutesy tricks, like replacing your display pic with one of your childhood mug shots, old scanned black-n-white photo in which you are wearing knickers as well as that oh-so-innocent look on your face. (of course you do this to attract those "kinne cute lag rahe ho", "Sho shweeeet" type comments from the girls in your friend list, the bastard you are ). The guys look at these pics, smirk and shoot comments like "Saale badaa hoke kitna harami ho gaya hai"..."Molested child lag raha hai" and the likes.

So being your social networking secretary, I strongly recommend you to sign up @ facebook, and gleefully poke at anyone you like, but be very sure of not bargaining for Chinese DVDs.

Your's truly

Labels: ,

21 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Shashank said...

fun-tastic post...
a total laugh riot...
some more RSS feeds :) -
1. good ol' orkut community is called Pages here....and u can become fans of these pages which can on something as trivial as zandu balm
2. its totally friendocratic - u get to know everything of your friend, by your friend and for your friend
3. there are a host of applications with misleading headings and links. For example no one is looking for you on the link saying someone is looking for you and no one has sent u a private message on the link that says someone has sent u a private message.:)

4:28 PM  
Blogger Abhinav said...

Kitna paisa diya Mark Zuckerberg tumko... haaain?

Mast yet again!

anyways, I still feel Orkut is bit more desi.. mitti ki smell aatee hai us se... (I HATE INViTE YOUR 20 FRNDS) :P

6:57 PM  
Blogger The Indian Frog said...

Reflections of a despo, frustu, yet patient indian guy's mind..

8:49 PM  
Blogger anurag said...

Ahem.....from the age of chitrakoot to the age of orkut,this post will be eternal in everyone's mind(if they can accomodate it with the images of the hotties livin in the nearby PG)

8:56 PM  
Blogger Mads said...

rofl :D :D which mumbai 26/11 terrorist are u it seems =)) rofl

im a big big facebook freak.blushed when i read all that :P :P i cant believe im so jobless/idiotic/stupid :P

really nice post :) :)

11:06 PM  
Blogger Fighter Jet said...

ha ha ha...nice one :)

3:08 AM  
Blogger The Rat... said...

Sahi hai...

pehle orkut ki waat lagayi abhi facebook ko bhi nai choda...

i knew poke and wall.. Quiz thing was new and deadly... :P

:-) in btw, havent joined this band wagon yet... i am allergic to social networking.. i am repenting orkut...

8:31 AM  
Blogger Ankita Agrawal said...

welcome back....!!

This is a perfect garam bheja fry dish...
loved it, as always :-)

Tat 'RSS' one,was amazing!!

4:42 PM  
Blogger Shankster said...

kitabi chehra naqaabposh.

5:02 PM  
Blogger Prasoon said...

Hamesha ki tarah, this was super fun but then, orkut ones were priceless if you ask me :)

10:45 PM  
Blogger Vandita said...

ultimate thi yeh post and pretty enlightening too :P
although i am on facebook, i didnt know abt quite a few things there
mast tha ekdum!! :)

1:44 AM  
Blogger mathew said...

got this link from Desipundit...rib-ticking post!!!:-)

1:18 AM  
Blogger Arvind Iyer said...

Nice. I enjoyed the post (from Desi Pundit).

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Tariq said...

Nice one there. Good to see a blog with such delightful humor.
I had written something very similar about social networking a few days back on my blog as well, but not half as good as yours.


1:50 AM  
Anonymous Malcolm said...

Have you checked out the new ET Campaign on Facebook? It's becoming a powerful tool

8:57 PM  
Blogger Tanuj Lakhina said...

Mast post.Facebook ki
Came here via Desipundit.

6:12 PM  
Blogger The Misdirected Arrow said...

You forgot to enlighten us on:
1. The cutest person on facebook contests (The ones for which you find urself truly deserving and click to accept but are mysteriously transported to some site like " or")
2. If u have enough faltoo time to play a quiz, at the end of it try and find another 8-20 vella people who will be having enough time to waste on this quiz (After all they are your friends, they cant be busy discovering penicillin for the world)
Anyways a Good Effort!

5:52 PM  
Blogger Rushabhh Gandhi said...

The most hilarious post i have ever ever read!


Specially the raju section and the RSS...lollsss

12:11 PM  
Blogger Koi Bhi Purana 21inch ka TV said...

sahi likha....
nowadays i come across more n more people saying...'yaar orkut to bekkar hai....facebhookh ka zamaana hai'..n mind u the hunger s growing...i donnow but most often it sounds to me as if they (not alll of them :P) just do it in an attempt to sound 'kewl'...:)....thinking out of the box stuff n shit.... but my personal feeling is that google sticks to its simplicity formula even in just about everything i want..on the other hand facebook still has certain areas undiscovered..lil complex for someone like money on a single edged sword

12:37 AM  
Blogger peter said...

i don't hav any problem with the ...FB but i shud get the training before using it's like motorolla and samsung ...Orkut is my nokia ..user fraandly :D

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not sure where to post this but I wanted to ask if anyone has heard of National Clicks?

Can someone help me find it?

Overheard some co-workers talking about it all week but didn't have time to ask so I thought I would post it here to see if someone could help me out.

Seems to be getting alot of buzz right now.


12:04 PM  

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