Google

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Movie-theater!!


Gandhi jayanthi popularly known as a national holiday and more popularly known as a dry day, falling on a weekday looks as cute on the calendar as celina jaitley, bipasha basu and saaddi manjeet (the silly village girl) on an atlas ki cycle. We decided in favour of a movie outing, we had two options to pick from- Johny Jamadaar err.. gaddar and bourne ultimatum (sounds like a harry potter spell).

PVR was the nearest haunt for us 'Mawalis' to 'see' more than just the movie. Soon we reached the ticket Q preceeded by some roaring laughter and heavy handed back slapping. Let me describe the scene there, when the crowd saw us arrive.

Girls with artificially straightened hair frowning with disgust, their "darling-where's-your-ass-i-m-feelin-licky-licky" type boyfriends making apprehensive faces, few wary and thus balding uncles reaching out to their back pockets to ensure the safety of their wallets , Fat aunties in sleeveless blouses clasping on to their handbags tight with their flabby arms ; All this followed our arrival to the scene. ( Due apologies to those few kind hearted readers who claim they aren't the likes of the ppl described above but infact are. )

An inky-pinky-ponky played among us friends decided as to who will stand in the ticket queue where some skimply clad girls (read chicks) were jostling for some elbow room much to the fascination of us young blooded brats who were ready to lend an elbow. ;).

We got the tickets for the late night show of 'Bourne ultimatum' after my 'inglish isspeeking' friends decided in favour of 'Bourne baba'.The tickets were getting booked at the speed of dinesh karthick running a 100m frog race carrying Smriti irani (tulsi) on his shoulders. So we dint have much of a problem in getting the tickets and what followed provided me with the 'maal' for this post..

The 'fillum dekhni waali' junta can be 'meri pajaame se bhi jyada loose'-ly classified into :-

1) Bizznesshh-man unkils, the "maal-consignment nahee" pahucha types –

Imagine a situation when you are watching 'chak de india' in a theater with your GF/BF/MF (MF-Mother Father :|), shahrukh is delivering that sattar minute pep talk, you all are riveted to your seats, utter silence in the hall, and then you hear a shrill mono ring-tone beating out some crappy reshamiya number.. The culprit uncle behind you picks up his phone..

"Haa bunty bol, cement load ho gaya kya??...maal load karke truck waale se raseed le liyo.... Bh*c**d Lallan baalu me mitti milaa raha hai..bolna saale ko payment late milega..chal be raseed kaat ke dobaara phone kariyo..."

When you hear this you feel like someone just emptied a truckload of baalu-mitti on your head. When the ankilji talks he keeps the phone at an 45 degree angle to his ear and he talks loud..so loud that even the shrewd popcorn waala outside knows who bunty is and lallan's sis needs to be wary of his brother.

2) "Corner seat par dard-e-disco"- the coochie coo couples-

In a queue a plump guy wearing a shirt with floral prints accompanying a bon-shy girl (bon-shy - a short and ever so shy girlie) is standing near the ticket counter. The guy announces with a naughty smile playing on his face. Rajesh khanna is proud of him.

"Bhaai saahab!! 2 CORNER seat dena…" he throws a pervert smile at the girl. The sharmili ladki squeaks. and so does the ticket waala.

When the couple leaves , a guy in his teens says to the tkt counter guy out of sheer desperation :-

"Bhaiyaaa!! inke BAGAL WAALI ek seat dena...INKE BAGAL WAALI" he's panting

"Kyo be ek saath do pictures dekhega kya....beta agar teri age above 18 hai tabhi ticket milega" counter waala retorts.

These are the couples which have no other place left, to show their 'pyaar ki taakat' and their 'sacche pyaar ki nishaani'. The parks are no longer safe with 'slap'py-happy policewaalahs at large and beaches(read : bandstand) to har city me hai nahee. Moreover the safety of cinema halls lies in the fact that they are too dark for any cell phone camera to render any potential juicy MMS.

The CSC (corner seat couples) association has recently felicitated Ram gopal verma for his contribution to the cause of the CSC. Movies like RGV ki aag, Darling, James, Naach compelled some 27 seats to escape out of the empty theater. Even the poor non-living seats didn't stand a chance against the brilliance of RGV.

The CSC with their adept "hand-eye coordination" show some real skills in pulling off some amazing maneuvers in the confines of the two seats inside the theater. "Haath ki safaai" they say. Long live CSC and may thou always manage to get a seat next to 'em . Amen!

3) Giggly girls in groups!! -

This is the group that brings in the revenue for the owner of the theater/multiplex. They are the second biggest attraction after the movie itself. All the mawaalis (read :us) decide on a movie after looking at the "quality" of the queue.

Chemically straightened hair with a highlight, heels that may puncture the floor, enough kaajal around their eyes to manufacture 3 blackboards, clothes as vulgar as this post; all this makes them the 'hot talking point' at the guy's respective hostel/PG/flat at nights after the show gets over. These girls cackle together whenever there's a sniff of humor in the movie. They are not as silly as saaddi manjeet and carry their 250 gm attitude well. These girls look to have bread crumbs for their dinner as they have pledged to wear their wedding ring around their waists.

Once inside the theater when you have plopped down on your seat and have planned to rest your feet on top of the seat ahead in the same 'Raja babu' isshtyle, suddenly a girl or a group of girls of the variety explained above come up to your seat and maintaining a stiff face say "Excuse me!! please...". you look at the angel eyed girl like a drunken monkey with your mouth open and then you realize you have to sit upright to give her way. She doesn't even look at you. And then when you reach home you boast among your friends as how you and the girl talked and exchanged family history and "samay ka to pata hi nahee chala ki kab nikal gaya".

4) Chaalu Chhokraas - "the wannabe dudes"-


Ideally this group follows the giggly girls and so it does here. The wannabe dudes come to the theater emptying half of their respective hair-gel tubes on their scalp. From the maafia look to the Chu**ya look each style is well represented by the dude fraternity.

Normally these guys come late to the theater. They would stand in front of the screen and in a fake attempt to search their friends they check out the girls and note down the GPS coordinates of the 'talented' girlies. Most of the dudes look like models who have walked the "Rampur ka ramp". And each time during the intermission, when they look at the price list of the food-items inside the multiplex (For ex 2 samosas for Rs. 50) they utter a thick (maa behen ki ) gaali under their breath. (which is perfectly justified).

The Popcorn waala scoffs at them and the guy at the metal detector double checks them before letting them in. Dudes wonder when they will earn enough to be able to buy popcorn and stuff without having to worry about the gain of calory and the loss of salary.

5) The blogger uncles :-

These are the super quiet types. Even the empty seat makes more noise than them. These are the super elite french bearded reviewers and blogger types. They often come in twos and sip a single cup of coffee thru the entire movie.

"There's is some sloppy sditing in the frames numbered 40-45..." one of them whispers to the other.

not to be left behind the other guy squeaks "yep!! moreover the screenplay slackens at times."

A dude from behind

"Sirji !! abhi picture shuru nahee huyee hai...ye to vicco vajradanti ka ad dikha rahe hai , jiske screenplay ka aap operation kar rahe ho"



That sums it up..bahut likh diyaa bhaai!! keyboard ki keys se letters gaayab ho gaye hai ghis ghis ke...chal jab tak mai keyboard paint karta hu... tu comment kar de!!



Labels:

23 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger FireWhisky said...

"Girls with artificially straightened hair frowning with disgust, their "darling-where's-your-ass-i-m-feelin-licky-licky" type boyfriends making apprehensive faces"

whr do u come up wid d inspirations 4 such dicription??? [:D] lol... tat ws funny beyond nethin ive evr read... n bahu hi accturate description di hai aapne...

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Ankur said...

Maza aa gaya yaar...
loved it !!!
relieved me of my training pressure for few moments...

4:45 PM  
Blogger shaaaaaaam said...

hahah.....mast likha yaar..hats off...!!

5:38 PM  
Blogger Anilz said...

I would love to watch 2 movies :D ... Bagal waali seat tho kabhi nahi mili yar ... Hum tho bilak ticket se hi apna guzara karthe hain ... Ekdam mast likha yaar ... simply too gud ... one of u r best posts ...

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Masst likha hai boss!!
Baalu-mitti waale unkil se toh pyaar ho gaya!
Aur Dinesh Katick pe taras aa raha hai :)!!
As usual, ye posst bhi Ultimate hai!!
Too Good types
- Pune ka Stud :)

11:57 AM  
Blogger Itchingtowrite said...

ha ha ha

2:52 PM  
Blogger Aparna Kar said...

Le beta comment ki chawanni. Jaldi hi ek dollar dal k jayungi. Khush haal rehna. Pehle padh to loon :P

9:13 PM  
Blogger Aparna Kar said...

S**T yaar. Apne Bapu ka budday aake chala bhi gaya, dry day bhi ho gaya aur mujhe pata bhi nahi chala! Aaj Columbus Day k liye yeha pe classes nahi hai Circuit.. warna apun ki to watt lagi hai.

*Sigh* Those good old days in Delhi and NCR. Movie hall mein jaake apun bhi log dekhte they yaar. And you have earned mored more than one brownie point with this post.
Kya chipkaya hai.. I felt I was living those moments again. The irritating, bucolic unkil, the lovey dovey couples who desperately need a place better than a multiplex to get cozy. (Btw, MMS nahi par closed circuit camera to hai n they capture juicier scenes.) Guard room mein sab ki aish hai.. soch rahi hoon India aake wahi summer internship karu.

"Kyo be ek saath do pictures dekhega kya....beta agar teri age above 18 hai tabhi ticket milega" counter waala retorts. was the heights of your fertile imagination.

And those dissecting types are not only middle aged uncles, those high brow, snobbish, upturned nosed "movie ka postmortem is my birth right" sorts are skeptical regardless of age. Unko bahar koi bhao nahi deta is liye cinema hall mein aa k ustaadi marte hai.

Ladkiyo k baare mein main jyada bura nahi bol sakti. Lekin wo titliya nahi hongi to tum log bhi nahi jayoge. From the utilitarian point of view- they are necessary in the society for "the greater good".

From happily running case counters of wholesalers of make up products, to coffee cafes' registers, to movie halls ka box office- aadhi biziness to unke liye hi chalti hai. God bless those titliyas and the gaping, jobless prurient youth whose fantasies range from guessing the size of the assets to the color of the lingerie a particular "Asian paints ka chalta firta ad" is wearing.
Ab I will get back to writing my book report. Nahi to I will script another post here instead of a comment.

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

baap re!!! your observation skill must be saluted!!! and you manage to make hillarious comparisons!!!!
~LadyG

11:33 AM  
Blogger Anilz said...

"Corner seat par dard-e-disco", "Kyo be ek saath do pictures dekhega kya....beta agar teri age above 18 hai tabhi ticket milega" .... u r jus tooo gud man ... amazing lines ... I cudn't help myself from giving this 2nd comment. "Dudes wonder when they will earn enough to be able to buy popcorn and stuff without having to worry about the gain of calory and the loss of salary" , haan yaar yahi haal hai hamara ... Ye wipro wala phook phook ke detha hai pagaar :( ...

12:05 PM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

# firewhisky

hii!! long time se comment ka reply nahee kiyaa maine!! aage ek aur type likhne waala tha..the jhagdaalu couples and their bawling baby... lekin kya krta keyboard se letters hi ghis gaye the !!

# ankur

bade dino baad infy ke sapoot tu aaya hai!! chalo aate rahiyo..tere bhi type ke do teen nikal aayenge!!

# shaaaam

aao guru!! hats off to theek hai pants off tak mat pahuchna!! :P

# anilz

hum to yaar zindagi bhar wannabe doodh hi rahenge...wipro waale paise dete nahee hai...popcorn bas sapne me aata hai..yaato movie dekh lo yaa phir popcorn khaa lo..!! dard-e-disco waala scene bhi dekhne ko nahee milta aajkal..pub bahut hai bangalore me!!

# pune ka stud

baalu mitti waale uncle se mujhe bhi pyaar hai....dinesh karthik khush hai ki smriri irani hi baithi...usko lag raha tha ki mujh jaisa kameena blogger uske kandhe par 'Baa' ko bithaa dega!!

# itching to write

wah wah wah

12:38 PM  
Blogger Swaroop said...

can do nothing but laugh !

4:12 PM  
Blogger Koi Bhi Purana 21inch ka TV said...

Yaar...it was amazing
Good Observation n closer too
best...wer 45 degree phone of ankilji
corner seat ka jua....
JHAKAAAAS!!!!

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mastt hai re! Supermastt!!
Seriously isspeaking,ghar pe baithe baithe theatre ke darshan ho gaye..jeevan safal ho gaya mera toh :P! ..And aajkal tumhare jaise shivsainiks ne coochie-coo-couples ke liye koi jagah chhodi hi nahi to bechare cuppalz kahan jayein..tanha-akele chhore kya samjhenge unke dil ka dard-e-disco!! :P

Multiplex mein tickets ke abhaav ke kaaran ek-do baar hum cineplex chale gaye the..and maa kassam,wahan se achha cirowd kahin ka nahi hai!! Maxx mastt seetiz on every thumka of priety/rani/lara! And c-grade comments..waah..Yindian sa lagta hai! :D

Chal udhaari utar gayi..abb next post likh daal! :D

-Deepa!

11:38 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

as always....bucket full of laughs! :)

8:06 PM  
Blogger Prasoon said...

aha..
this was lovely.. mazaa aa gaya n yes, probably one of ur best writes :)
aap kabhi mg-road describe karenge - wo ftv models n unn chinese chinki's ka description padhna hai - dost kehte hain ki kaafi rang hai wahan.. zara ek do baar ghoom aayein aap n hamein bhi aakhon dekho garma-garam haal sunayein - ham aatur baithen hain!

talk of arpana's comment - lovely that was too.. agar aisi junta na mile theatre mein, tab to aise mawali bhi nahi pahunchenge - kyun sahi kaha na?

4:43 PM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

# swaroop

Can do nothin but write more posts!!

# aparna

THnkoo for visiting and posting on my comment page...aapka comment kayee logo ko inspire kar raha hai... [:P]...mai ek badaa creply doonga kal..apne cubicle se!!!

# koi bhi puraana!!

bhaai isee tarah padhte raho...khush raho!!

# prasoon

Bhaai tanik theher jaao...MG road ka Brigade road ka bhi vivran denge...dheer dheere sabhi cheezo ka dissection hoga!! :P

12:07 AM  
Blogger Garam Bheja Fry said...

Mastt hai re! Supermastt!!
Seriously isspeaking,ghar pe baithe baithe theatre ke darshan ho gaye..jeevan safal ho gaya mera toh :P! ..And aajkal tumhare jaise shivsainiks ne coochie-coo-couples ke liye koi jagah chhodi hi nahi to bechare cuppalz kahan jayein..tanha-akele chhore kya samjhenge unke dil ka dard-e-disco!! :P

Multiplex mein tickets ke abhaav ke kaaran ek-do baar hum cineplex chale gaye the..and maa kassam,wahan se achha cirowd kahin ka nahi hai!! Maxx mastt seetiz on every thumka of priety/rani/lara! And c-grade comments..waah..Yindian sa lagta hai! :D

Chal udhaari utar gayi..abb next post likh daal! :D



-Deepa!

Oye mujh jaise shiv-sainiks agar har cinema halls me pahuch gaye..to cinemahall 15 corners wala banaayenge!! khoob saare corners khoob yumm yumm!! :P

waise gareeb theaters me bahut mazaa aata hai... rumaal dance, 2 ungli waali seeti, aur chips-coldrinks waala... waah jannat hai bhaai!!

12:22 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Gazab ka likhe ho bhai... mast maza aa gaya padke is viraan si software ki duniya mein!! charo taraf sirf safed batti aur yeh kambhaqht monitor... kabhi kabhi sochta hu fut kyu nahi jaata naalayak!!
koi gal nahi.... waise corner seat pe aao to dekh lena main bhi waha hu ya nahi!! ;)

7:31 PM  
Blogger i m wondering ki said...

good yaar.........especially the ballu mitti wale uncle........

1:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"they have pledged to wear their wedding ring around their waists."awesome blogging dude.......................

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need a Riddle ASAP! i know this sounds extreamly werid but i need a riddle. Dont ask why just give me something!! thanks!









































[url=http://www.thedaytheearthstoodstill.org/]the day the earth stood still[/url]

10:31 AM  
Blogger almostakbl company said...

شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة
يعتبر تنظيف الخزانات من الأشياء المهمة في حياتنا، فتنظيف الخزانات يجب أن يتم بصفة دورية حتي لا تتكاثر الميكروبات والجراثيم والطحالب الضارة في داخل الخزان، ويتم شرب واستعمال المياه بعد ذلك، وذلك يؤثر على صحة الأسرة وبالأخص صحة الأطفال المتواجدين في تلك الأسرة، فيجب الاهتمام بتنظيف الخزانات وصيانتها حتى يتم استخدامها في الشرب وفي الاستخدامات اليومية، فتخزين المياه لفترة طويلة داخل الخزان يؤثر على جودة المياه المتواجدة في داخله، لذلك يجب التوعية بخطر عدم تنظيف الخزانات لأن ذلك يؤثر على صحة الأفراد.
شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة
لذلك خوفا على سلامة أفراد الأسرة، تقدم شركة المستقبل خدماتها لتنظيف الخزانات، فإذا لم يكن لديك الخبرة في عملية تنظيف الخزانات، وإذا كنت تحتاج إلى مساعدة في تنظيف خزانك، فيمكنك الاعتماد على شركة المستقبل لتقوم بهذا العمل بدلا منك، فالشركة لديها الخبرة الطويلة في مجال تنظيف الخزانات، تعتمد الشركة على العمالة المدربة والكفء والتي تقوم بعملية التنظيف على أكمل وجه، فالعمالة لديها الخبرة التي تؤهلها للقيام بهذه العملية، وذلك لأن سلامة أفراد الأسرة تهم الشركة.
شركة تنظيف خزانات جدة
تعتمد الشركة في عملية تنظيف الخزانات على مواد لا تؤثر على صحة الأفراد ولا تترك رواسب في الخزان، فيتم الاهتمام بمواد التنظيف المستخدمة في عملية التنظيف واختيارها بعناية فائقة حتى لا تؤثر في عملية التنظيف وحتى تتم عملية التنظيف على أعلى مستوى، يتم أيضا تطهير الخزانات والتأكد من عملية التنظيف والتطهير حتي يتم ملء الخزان مرة أخرى واستخدامه بطريقة طبيعة وبشكل آمن وبدون أي مشاكل أو أمراض قد تحدث للأسرة.
تنظيف خزانات المياه بجدة
لا تتعب نفسك في البحث عن المواد وعن الطرق المختلفة لتنظيف الخزان لأن أي خطأ منك قد يؤثر بالسلب على صحتك وصحة اسرتك، اتصل بشركة المستقبل
وسوف تقوم بكل الأعمال المجهدة عنك.

11:41 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home