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Friday, September 15, 2006

Chopra khaandan ki kahaani khatam huyee..

*Scroll down a bit for the 1st and the 2nd part ofthe chopra saga*

The iklauta waaris of chopra khaandan is due to arrive today from ‘vilaayat’ after ‘poori karke’ his padhaai. And you know what to expect next….

He is the most eligible bachelor with a silver spoon in his mouth and a phoren MBA degree shoved up his a$$ …The kittens in the chopra office are waiting for him…
He’s bound to be a hunk…he’s the hero…the blue-eyed boy of the show.

He had a ‘apne-pairo-par khadaa-honaa-chahta-hu’ attitude…so initially he was reluctant to join the family business but eventually was coaxed by his ailing dadaji to take the plunge.

Dadaji told him how French bearded evil managers have siphoned ‘bahut saara paisaa’ from the family business with the help of the sleeveless blouse clad Vamp who happens to be a disgruntled family member…the one who subscribes to the “barbaad kar doongi” school of thought…

“Betaa ab mai thak gayaa hu..*coughs* chopra industries ka bojh apne kandho par dhote dhote *coughs* ab to upar waale se yahee guzaarish hai ki jaldi se..*coughs* apne kareeb bulaa le”
(To churn out such tough words while being in such a state of health as he was.. it seemed he was the dialogue writer of Salma aghaa movies in his prime)

“nahee…bhagwaan ke liye aisaa mat kahiye dadaji..”

“eeeeewwwwwwkkkkksss” I say , but quickly subside when ma gives me a cold stare.

*about a hundred violinists are sweating it out with their instruments in the background to produce a perfect ronaa-dhonaa music*

The US return hero hasn’t forgotten his bhagwaan inspite of numerous night outs in posh pubs, guzzling beer from the barrel and holding life-time memberships of famous strip clubs…he is still an ‘apna desi Indian ladkaa’… A perfect daamaad material…
Now this is a very critical moment , As ma is about to give in to the imosshhhnal moment with the eyelashes already soggy , if at this point I make any lewd remarks or show my distaste for the ‘bechaare beemaar dadaji’ or the lad , I’ll have to cook maggi for my dinner...

My chances of escaping would be as bright as the chances of Katrina kaif speaking bhojpuri or Uday chopra being picked for spielberg’s latest movie.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dadaji’s words wakes up the napping zameer of the square jawed young man. He finally makes up his mind to take chopra industries to the Fortune 100 list.

And today , is his first day at office , where Dada ji is about to hand over the power of attorney to his ‘kaabil’ grandson.
*Now this is another term (P.o.A) which my mum is well aware of , Courtesy: ekta kapoor , not economic times*

Sameer , sameer chopra (err..effect of watching james bond movies with urdu subtitles) enters his office,he walks briskly acknowledging his staff..obviously nobody recognizes him…

…Our heroine with a bundle of papers which looks like a manuscript of a dictionary , walks out of her cubicle…sameer is advancing …And quite predictably she bumps into sameeer and after tossing the bundle skywards…falls into the arms of our blue eyed Samson….Harps being played in the background…super slow motion camera in action….she lies there in the arms of the hero with their “aankhe chaar”….they keep looking in each others eyes… A4 size sheets of paper slowly descend in the background…they are in a state of absolute bliss…the mushy mushy music looping…

*eewwwwksss*

Then suddenly the heroine realizes that it’s time for a commercial break so she gathers herself and starts collecting the fallen papers and says

“uhh aa..aaap deh kar nahee chal sakte kyaa??”

Sameer is having a mysterious smile on his face. He makes a face like shahi kapoor and lets out a super corny sher…as his answer…the heroine should fall for this…but she has to act tough… as the producers and my ma claim this serial is different……*ahem*

“ pata nahee kahaa kahaa se chale aate hai”

The hero is still smiling. All perverts take harsh words from beautiful girls as compliments.

My mum is all smiles , as she wants to go and tell the girl *arey buddhu ladki jisse tu lad rahee hai wahee to tera boss hai *…The TRP register is whirring….
Well this is an age old trick to make the viewer feel supreme , make him the keeper of all the secrets.Late Hrishi daa was a master at this , remember chupke chupke , golmaal…

After few moments when she is done with arranging the “bahut important file”…she’s called to Chopra sahaab’s cabin.
Dada ji is there standing with the dude, the waaris of chopra khaandaan…the heroine enters the cabin…
Dadaji : “Karishma !! kya aggrawal builders ki file ready hai..??”

“haaa sir ..Bas abhi laati hu..”

“Ruko bete pehle apne naye boss se to mil lo.. ye hai Sameer , mera potaa …The neiw Managing director of chopra indhustreees”

Our hero has still that shashi kapoor smile pasted on his face..”hello..” he says…

Our heroine, karishma is dumbstruck…Cameras from three different directions zoom on her with bomb explosions in the background…..

AND today’s episode ends…..

As i was just about to let out a Jumbo sigh of relief …another signature song was played…aur phir Viraani pariwaar ki kahaani shuru ho gayee….

*hai rabbaaaa mainu bachaaao…jitendar ki beti ko jahannum nasseeb ho…*

And it was time for me to get another packet of lays.

Labels:

13 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Adarsh said...

jitender ki beti ko sach mein jahannum naseeb ho.... kya pakaati hai yaar... wo to accha hai ki hum apne naakhoon khaa jaata hoon... nahin to ghar ka ek bhi pillow sahi salaamat nahin rahta
waise ab humri mummy bhi samajh gayi hain... aur humre tv par ye horror show nahin chalta hai....
bahut sahi likha hai bhai... too muchh!!

9:42 AM  
Blogger Kishley said...

lol.. lol.. lol.. :) perfecct!!
vaise i totally totally hate the Cameras from three different directions zoom on her with bomb explosions in the background…..
its so much eewwwkkks!!!

And i realised i hate ekta kapoor even more now!! :) :) not a single person talks, walks, emotes or laugh in a normal way!!

10:30 AM  
Blogger Maverick said...

man you have some stamina... I cant even bear the ads of these serials.. watching them is impossible...

12:15 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# adarsh
sahee me yaar jab mai itnaa pak gaya tab maine sochaa ki likh hi daaloo..waise to apun campus ki masti ke baare me likhta hai..lekin ghar aane kaa side effect hai ye..

# kishley

:) thanx for visiting,ekta kapoor should read this too..:))...keep visiting jee

# maverick

Kuchh likhne ke liye kuchh dekhna bhi padtaa hai thaakur!! thanx for visiting welcum here!!

3:37 PM  
Blogger Neers said...

is ekkta kapoor reading??? she is missin the one!!! who she will not fine even after searching with a "chirag"...!

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...yeh thi koi sony kaa serial lagtha hai..... hmmmm...thumn ghar pey kam TV dekho...samjhey naa

3:32 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

# neers

:)) very true....you know why ekta kapoor is goin strong...coz the PM at laal kila said on the independence day "hamey ekta ko banaaye rakhna chahiye"..he he..keep visiting

3:39 PM  
Blogger Gaurav Jain said...

LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!!!

I must say I need a pain killer, as I was bursting in laughter throughout this grand finale. You're a truly hilarious writer, and especially the comparisons you make are stupendous!

Katrina Kaif speaking bhojpuri was one on top of the line ;)

11:53 PM  
Blogger ~Nayan~ said...

too good

10:17 PM  
Blogger dharmu said...

hey, it was very very very interesting read on a day day in the aaapis.

11:07 PM  
Blogger gunj said...

this one was undoubtedly d funniest!!
infinite moments of louffter!
cant evn pik one best thing!
loved d whole of it!
hail ekta her parivar n ur brain for churnin out all that wit!

11:43 PM  
Blogger Stupidosaur said...

//ab to upar waale se yahee guzaarish hai ki jaldi se..*coughs* apne kareeb bulaa le”
//“nahee…bhagwaan ke liye aisaa mat kahiye dadaji..”

You mean the our blue eyed boy is concerned about Bagwaan's well being if the dadaji goes near Him?

9:32 PM  
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