Chopra khaandan ki kahaani..

It’s been a week since I arrived at my home sweet home with the college reopening date as distant as Papua New Guinea.

Just as Ashish nehra was born with injuries, rahul mahajan with a sachet of cocaine and Reshamiya with his topi on; I was born with a spoon and plate in my two little hands; my mum says this sarcastically as she kneads the dough for my aaloo paraatha.
    And I carelessly munch on chaat-street lays lying on my bed like a pig , switching channels on TV.
I have always been a bhookha bacchaa giving any child in Ethiopia a run for his money. (Food for thought: Do Ethiopian children have any money??)
The delivery boy at the local pizza hut was like a family member to us.

Few more months to go and I’ll be done with my engineering. The corporate life begins in April-may next year. Every dog dreads the life of a software engineer.

Isiliye jab tak ghar par hoo chill maarne do yaaro..

When my mum was done with the dough , she came charging towards the living room where the all-important TV was. I was lying there looking inside the torn lays packet. Few wafers were peeping out reluctant to come out.
Mum looked at the wall clock (2 minutes to 8pm) and said in an authoritative tone

“Remote !!”

I deposited the remote meekly on her open palm like the hafta given to the ‘Bhais’ in aamchi mumbai. (last nite bhot mach mach huaa tha re Baap Remote ke peeche )

Then have a look what commenced on the buddhu baxaa..(TV)

“Isss kaaryakram ke praayojak hai ………..(It was like baba sehgal reading the list of brands of tel, shampoo, saaabun, chaddee ; such was the pace)……”
.
In between, my mum keeping her eyes glued to the idiot box said with excitement

“Aaj maalum padega ki Chopra khaandaan ki jaayedaad kaa asli waaris kaun hai.”

“Hmmmm…*err*….Achaa….” it was as amusing as the SAF games to me.

Then the signature song of the serial is played with the names of the people being displayed one by one, who fool my mum and a million others daily.

In the signature song A girl who looks like forced into wearing a salwaar-kameez, gets up in the morning with a l’oreal mascara and a Revlon lip-gloss on (and you would think she’s a bar-girl with all the makeup on..Not at all… she’s a sundar susheel, employed, ambitious ladki with a 250gms packet of traditional values and sanskaar always ready in her handbag)…her name starts with the letter ‘K’ and so is the name of the serial.
     Then in the song you’ll see her get up from her sleep and ....smile…and when she is ready for the office she looks at her parents and she ….smiles…..then she bows to the bhagwaanji’s idol in her house and she…..smiles….(Note: Which bhagwaanji’s idol is to be shown , depends upon the faith of the production house)
     Then she’s shown waiting for the BEST bus…the bus magically appears within seconds of her arrival..she boards the bus despite the rush…The girl is tough….
And then while getting the tickets from the conductor again she smiles… no wonder TVS victor is one of the sponsors…. more smiles per hour….(Note: the signature song is sung by some runner up of a nation wide singing talent hunt, after his solo album sales kissed ground zero )..The song subsides as she reaches her office..

A quick fire Recap is shown with drum rolls and cymbals’ clapping then the episode commences

Scene 1:

A lady is shown wearing jewellery enough to make bappi lahiri take off his glasses and take notice.with a bucketful of make-up on she is sitting on a couch and talking to herself.a weird music plays in the background (customized for the vamp of the serial)..

*I look at my mum’s face which was all smiles a few moments ago, has changed into that of hatred and anger.i don’t know whether she really hates the evil intentions of the lady or she is plain jealous of the amount of jewellery the vamp possesses*

“Mai iss chopra khaandaan ko barbaad karke rakh dungi.ek ek sitam ka badla lungi.”

* drum rolls *
“Dekhti hu iss baar kaise bachte ho Mr. RAJVEER CHOPRA”..her tone becomes vicious when she stresses the name….

To be continued…