Google

Sunday, September 03, 2006

And one day it rained..'HARD'

It was "still" raining in chennai,the rain gods were working overtime....i dont know who paid them for slogging those extra hours......

I looked at siby, my room-mate who was solemnly looking outta the window with an expressionless face.

The hiss of the rain and the nippy breeze was all that the windows served us

(and of course those mosquitoes from Transylvania at night ).....


"F#$%$ all the networks in this world....In protocols ki to *&$#$"....

In the three years of engineering we learnt with perfection to start and end a sentence with a *nasty* one and with the relentless End-sem exams going on we learnt to pad our conversations with the essential and nasty headers and footers just as in those shitty network packets......

"hmmmmmm!!!" siby was too lazy to speak words then....

"Where is vaibhav??" i tried to sustain the dialogue...

He pointed to the other room with a roll of his eyeball....
I cud hear the gunshots and occasional *nasty* ones...from the closed room....the computer was heating up..

"Games bond in the making...." i exclaimed with sarcasm..

No answer.... and silence prevailed...

This was a snapshot of our lives...3 of us moved out of the dungeon (college hostel) when we stepped into our third year of engineering.... in search of freedom. And to add some spice to our F***ng lives...

In retrospect i think freedom at some point of our life leads to Boredom.... when you are restricted and in chains most of your time is spent in dreaming about the free life and the spices* attached.....so you never get bored.......

*Fagging,boozing,watching porn....any time of the day

(Our hostel more appropriately was a strict rehab center)

.... Five months have passed since then. When we escaped from the hostel with the hostel pillow and bed sheet...really no guilt whatsoever...rather we were kicking ourselves for not being able to "transport" the mattresses...


"An empty mind is Devil's workshop"...I read out aloud in the morning assembly once when i was in my 5th standard as the "thought of the day".....sandwiched b/w the mandatory 'goodMaurning' and 'thankkyu'....(this para will be used later Read on)

We spent our 1st year learning something with enthu.... and the 2nd year was spent in delearning the shit we stuffed up in our minds....

And so in 3rd year our MIND was EMPTY...(the third keyword is of course DEVIL)....

So in these five months the workshop (devil's) in our brain grew into great factories working full time.... outsourcing devil's work of the hell to our rented flat.

I poked siby in the ribs (behaving as a ZOMBIE) and with a gleam in my eyes pointed towards the cell phone (dead with inactivity)...his eyes lit up...

"SO SHUD WE GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!"

"Yeaahhh baby!!!!"

I grabbed the mobile and keyed the numbers...and in a flash i was connected....I looked at siby while the phone was stuck to my ear. He was beaming with anticipation...then suddenly he raised his eyebrows with a frown on his face...

"SWITCH OVER TO LOUDSPEAKER MODE" this is what he wanted to convey thru his facial antics...which i did promptly.

"You n iiiiiiiiiii..............such a beautiful worlddddddddd......(the hutch song) was being played on the other side" (yes you guessed it right we called the hutch customer care located somewhere in alwarpet..)

Initially (when the full form of SMS was a quiz question for me and recharge was what i thought you did to old batteries) i thought hutch to be a company dealing with sale of super fine breed of dogs...


"WelcometoHutchcareIam 'BALAJI' howmayIassistYou"..answered someone (call center employee) at express speed.....

I gave a quizzed look to siby.... As he picked the 'Keyword' there he shouted.


"BALAJI a male...givvim a *nasty* one"

"#%$#%# Phone rakh saale" i showed my prowess and looked at siby for praise....siby gave a well-done-my-boy nod and announced...."NEXT SESSION"

So this was the idea of calling at customer care centers on boring afternoons and have some fun with the 'FEMALEs' at the customer care...

No surprises any male counterparts (if they come by online) were treated with "utmost respect and were decorated with such great titles"...that they were obliged to hang up....


2nd session:

(Hutch song followed by)


"Hello this is MONICA welcome to Hutch care How may I help you".....the name MONICA seemed to echo in our rented flat...

Vaibhav(who was hitherto fighting it out with dragons and monsters in his game) came out of his room repeating

"MONICA!! MONICA!!...is a gal online"

He sniffed it. i dont know how amidst gunshots and explosions.... After all we were such a desperate pack...



Siby nodded sagely towards vaibhav and gave me a go ahead...

"Hello this is aby(i had to sound a bit high brow) here"


M : "May I know your number please"


"Shhhure here it is nion ayt ayt fo one ayt five zzeroh tyu five (9884185025)"

Vaibhav was giggling seeing at my twisted face as i was uttering those numbers out of sophistication...i gave him a cold stare and whispered slowly a **** and his
Giggling subsided...

"Thanks for calling Aby..So what is your query..?"

"Am...mm........"

i was caught off guard and looked at my friends desperately for help....."DATING" they shouted in unison...

"amm yaa... DATING!! thts what i want ..to ..know about ...DATING!!" i answered catching my breath...

This time she was caught on unfamiliar grounds.....she said after a pause ....

M : "Well all you need to do is..Dial 123 and say DATING and follow the instructions thereafter." she chirped

"Amm..yaa but I’ve tried it many times...it doesn't seem to work for me" I said with contempt. I wouldn’t let go of her so easily..

"In that case sir, register a complaint in the service complains section. Cud you wait for a minute sir. While i transfer your call to that section"

She had a real sweet voice and defn wud be really good looking the fact which we agreed upon unanimously and silently...such perverts we were...


"No No I’ll try once more.....why to bother them. After all customers need to have some patience and faith..isn't it"

(Followed by an artificial hehehehe!!) i tried to break some informal talks in.

M: "Of course sir!! ..So Do you have any further queries SIR"

She said stressing on that 'sir' grinding her teeth. An informal translation of her sentence wud read

"Cut the shit dude...and hang up"

"Yes Yes!!..I want to know about how will I get my date out of thin air”. I tried to sustain the dialogue for the second time in the day..


M : "Sir you'll be asked your age, interests and other minor details and then if we happen to find any opposite sex person having similar interests then both of you'll be informed of each other's existence and whereabouts..."she narrated in a single breath..

"Huh!! Such hue n cry for just a number.... i can get you numbers of dozens of cool chicks in a snap of my finger.... i want the girl not her number" i spoke sarcastically..

Siby n vaibhav were laughing hysterically…they had reason to do so coz i was talking as if i haven't called up a call center but a call girl center...I suspect she heard those laughs.

After a brief pause she said..."OK sir!! If you want what you WANT then do as i say… will you sir??"

"Why not!! Go ahead"

Her tone mellowed mysteriously and she was talking more sweetly than ever...I was skeptical...I sniffed foul play...but succumbed to her sweet chirp..

Then she said "Ok,I will ask you a question. Answer it only when you hear a beep...got it dear"

"yeah!! yeah!!"

"Here’s the question…. What do you want to know more about??"

..Silence........*BEEP*..

"DATING" all three of us shouted in chorus...

A pause.....and thereafter she asked my age and my interests…and said

"CONGRATS!! You r into dating now...I’ll transfer your call to our new section 'the hutch dating girls' can you wait for a while sir.."

"Of course!!" and who wudn't wait for the HUTCH girls...

And the hutch song started playing...."you n iiiiiiiiiii such a beutifulll worlldddd" we were dancing to its tune...

5 minutes passed by...the song was looping with the same lines....

"Yaar its taking way too much time..." i said to siby with a worried look

"Arey yaar!! Don’t be impatient ...its just coz of network congestion" he proclaimed "And congestion is rightly justified for such 'services' ...isn't it??" he winked

"And why do you worry these are all toll free numbers...talk for the full night and not a penny is deducted from your balance…huh!!"

Siby had a point there...so i was content.

Another 5 minutes passed and no sign of the hutchicks (hutch chicks)...

i was getting more n more impatient...

"yaar we'll try it some other time...when the network is free" i said with a frown on my face

"okayhhhh!! As you wish" siby resorted

Just as I hung up a service reply flashed on my cell...

"Thanks for dialing 123 and availing our DATING services. Soon you will receive details of girls/boys bearing similar interests as you have. Your call was charged a mere Rs. 6/min"

After reading this:......

SIBY: "Monica teri M*** %#%#%$, B*****#**&*&"

VAIBHAV: "fifteen into six.... my goodness ninety Rs. got F***d"

MYSELF: motionless...i cud only remember saying to monica these words.......

"No No I’ll try once more.....why to bother them.....After all customers need to have some patience and faith. Isn’t it"

(Followed by an artificial hehehehe!!)

The devil was sniggering in hell.The she-devil

Labels:

6 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Gaurav Jain said...

hilarious!!!!

is this real life experience? your story was pretty hilarious!!

I don't know about Hutch, but Airtel call centres usually have men picking up the phone (alas!), so it's difficult to play around the way you and your friends did. Aur haan... sorry about that 6 rs/min call time wasted of yours (though you must have had a good time as long as you were on the line with Monica!)

Gaurav

4:27 PM  
Blogger cardamom said...

@ gj

partly real and fictional elements here n there..i m waiting for monica to comment here...*makes a ranjit like face before he loots the izzat of a gal* :))

12:39 AM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

I'd say that was kind-a sick, because it amounts to harassment. But yes, sometimes a little fun is ok, and I have had my share of fun with these calls (especially like talking in Bihari to credit card companies trying to sell free cards ;) ).

But I guess Monicas have their revenge after all: even Bill Clintons are not spared ... you don't stand a chance :)

9:30 AM  
Blogger Gaurav Jain said...

hey aby.. just checked out your site and found it amazing!! loved your games (lost both seriously badly) and also your matrix creation.

YOU're an expert in Flash.. something I'm thinking since ages to learn myself!!

Also saw that you're interested in painting/sketching/poetry/programming/desiging... all very similar to my interests too!!

Are you on orkut by any chance? Check out the link on my blog to my orkut profile (if you're not on orkut, I can send u an invitation).

Keep up the good work

11:53 AM  
Blogger cardamom said...

@ sudee

buddy that was fiction.my "despo index" has never risen to such levels.mujhe aajtak hutch ke kutte ne naheee kaata.

@ gj

already scrapped you buddy.i've added you too.happy orkutting

1:15 PM  
Blogger Nishant Saini said...

oh buddy... I also have airtle number... but seems like I should change to HUTCH... ha ha ha very nice indeed.
I m falling in love with this GARAM BHEJA FRY

9:59 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home