Wednesday, September 06, 2006

"...College nahee jaana kyaa.."

How do you feel when you get up in the morning and look for your crisp newspaper with the kadak chai and what you get by the kripa of indra bhagwaan is a soggy lump of paper blob with enough water in it for rakhi sawant to wash her clothes in. Then you switch on the idiot box

and hop to any 24x7 news channel to know what happened around the world while you snored 8 hrs to the chagrin of the neighbourhood chors(thieves).
jus have a look...


Sanjay: "Aaiye hum aap ko le chalte hai rahul mahaajan ke ghar jaha humaare samvaad daata deepak chaurasia maujood hai"

" haa deepak kyaa aap hamey sun sakte hai"

(Deepak is on screen and he is as blank as laloo's 10th board answer sheet)

"Deepak aapko humaaree awaaz aa rahee hai...deepak"

Deepak : "...haa sanjay boliye"

(People behind Deepak desperate to come on TV are waving as if stranded on an island for ten years and trying to signal a far off ship in sight)

"Deepak iss wakt wahaa rahul mahaajan ki shaadi ki kaaafi gehma gehmi hogi.kyaa mahaul hai iss wakt wahaa par??"

“Sanjay jaisaa ki hum sab ko pataa hai.aaj rahul mahaajan ki shaadi shweta se hone jaa rahee hai.subah se hi yahaa BJP ke diggaj netaao kaa taanta lagaa huaa hai…”

(He’s referring to shweta as if she was his school time sweetheart)

TURRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!!! a scooter passes by and deepak is interrupted…
With renewed energy he speaks up

”Apko bataa du ki is shaadi ke liye 25 kilo gehu 35 kilo basmati chawal , khoob saare MDH brand masaale aur sajaawat ke liye 5 kilo phool bhi mangaaye gaye hai aur gaur karne waali baat ye hai ki phool bilkul Phreshh hai…pandaal banaane me kaamdhenu sariyaa(iron rods) istemaal kiya gaya hai”
Then suddenly the camera shifts to Sanjay in the studio when he comes to know of the fact that he is on-air and he has nothing to speak and Deepak on the other side is dictating the recipe of the mughlai biriyani. Sanjay is speechless and his face is like as if he has pissed in his pants.

Deepak : “…..shweta abhi abhi twinkle beauty parlour se facial karaa ke aayi hai.chaliye unse hi poochhte hai ki wo kaisaa mehsoos kar rahee hai”
Shweta comes out of her car and Deepak rushes to her to get some exclusive footage.there's already a battery of media persons mobbing her wid "shaadi karke kaisaa lag raha hai ??" type questions..

Deepak: “Shweta ji .bataaiye aap facial karaakar kaisaa mehsus kar rahee hai??”

Deepak trying to shove the microphone up her nostrils.

”shweta ji …shwetaa ji bataaiye….” deepak struggling.

she looks up to her bodyguard….

And immediately the telecast is switched to the studio cameras and Sanjay sitting there says in a hurried tone.

“Chaliye ab chalte hai Raakhi saawant ke paas jo ye maang kar rahee hai ki item numbers ka bhi oscar nomination honaa chahiye..”
In the meantime Deepak while trying to get some exclusive footage, got some real exclusive “Foot”age on his ass from shweta’s bodyguard.Now the entire wedding is covered by a Worldtel camera from a safe distance.

when you feel that you are pissed enough for the morning you switch it off and a female shrill voice so nasty that would incur a buried man dig out of his grave and scurry clutching his tombstone. "..Colg naheeeee jaana kyaaaaaa.."

And you get into your trousers judging the merit of rakhi saawant's demand of an oscar nomination.Hope the next day u get a dry one.



4 Mirch lagi kya?? paani piyo yaha..

Blogger Bebo said...

Aby, that was such a funny post. How can u be so humorous? Well, frankly thats the way the news is telecasted on tvs.
I liked the way the reporter talks abt the recipes or MDH masalas...hehe..
By the way, you from Chennai is it?Or u living there currently?

3:26 PM  
Blogger Gaurav Jain said...

V Humorous post!! Loved it (looks like rakhi sawant is one of your favorites, and you have used the "enough water in it for rakhi sawant to wash her clothes in" very effectively (once again!)

Really, the news channels now-a-days are showing so much of sensation and item shows that we are now filled with things to laugh on them. In fact, recently we had a "great laughter challenge" in my company in which one of the participants had chosen this very topic of emulating the news channels (in which a news reporter was interviewing pramod mahajan's doggy 'moti' on 'how he was feeling' after pramod ji's death). lol!!

7:50 PM  
Blogger Neers said...

you have an amazing talent for humour!! here comes, the new age PG Woodehouse! :)

11:14 AM  
Blogger cardamom said...

@ sh d
i am about to complete my engineering from chennai.i stay at next post will clear your doubts

@ Gj
no buddy rakhi saawant is a fav of the 24x7 news channels...thanx for the nice words

@ neers

i am still a U.G wodehouse there is still time to get my post graduation (P.G)

10:10 PM  

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